Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 81,443,838 Issue: 151 | 30th day of Swimming, Y6
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The Masked Moehog


by tambourine_chimp

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"MARVIN! If you don't get down here this instant, I'll leave you behind!"

      Silence.

      "I'm serious, Marvin! Everyone else is ready! You're keeping us all up!"

      Silence.

      "Don't make me come up there and drag you down!"

      More of the same, I'm afraid.

      "Okay, that's it! Here...I...come!"

      Footsteps approached loudly as the owner of the voice stomped up the stairs, not the Marvin knew they were coming, for he was way too busy...

      "Sleeping?" the human boy asked in disbelief as he opened the door to his pet Moehog's room. "Again? Why does he read all those comics if they always make him so sleepy?"

      Indeed, the Moehog in question was sleeping quite blissfully at his writing desk, his head propped-up on a medium-sized pile of comic books, the most recently read one -- he had fallen asleep halfway through it, it seemed -- was beginning to become drenched in the bovine's drool, the inks running so much that they had nearly disappeared altogether.

      "I guess I'll leave him here after all," the boy whispered down to his other two pets as he softly closed the door and crept back down the stairs. "He'll only be grouchy if we wake him up...come on then, let's go have some fun on Mystery Island!"

      Leaving the Neohome, the boy tried valiantly to close the door behind him silently, but as always it got stuck on the foot-wiping mat. Slowly losing his patience, the boy kicked the mat down the hallway and slammed the door shut.

      This set-off two events in Marvin's room. Above the writing desk at which the Neopet was slumbering was a lamp, placed there precariously to light up any of the Moehog's night-time reading. This, after many weeks of being buffeted closer to the edge of the makeshift shelf it had been placed on by the wind and the room shaking, finally decided to take the plunge and fell like a Pet Rock with a rock tied to it's feet, onto the Moehog's head...

      But not before the head rose up to meet it part way. Awakened by the door slamming, Marvin's initial thought had been about how rotten it was of his owner to not haven woken him up for the trip to Mystery Island he had been looking forward to for so long. Then the lamp hit, and Marvin thought just two words, those being 'owie,' and 'pain,' before falling asleep once again, this time involuntarily and for only a short period of time.

      When the Moehog woke up the second time in as many minutes, it was to ask questions to no one in particular. "Where am I? Who am I? And why does my head feel like it's been the stage for a Chomby and the Fungus Balls concert?" The Moehog attempted to scratch his head in thought, caught the swelling lump on top of it, winced, and thought it would make him look all the more wiser if he scratched his chin. "Hmm, maybe this blank looking book can help me?"

      Picking up the comic book he had unknowingly been reading only a few hours ago, the Neopet read the glossy front cover...

     

"THE MASKED MOEHOG!

      Defender of Justice across the Realities!"

      Of course! That had to be the answer! He was the Masked Moehog and he had been called to this rather dull looking reality to right some dastardly wrong. ...and what was that his super-powered Hog Hearing could make out in the distance? An alarm, maybe? Or, more precisely, a bank alarm?

      "A bank robbery?" the Masked Moehog moaned is disbelief as he pushed his chair back from the desk. "I, the Masked Moehog, Protector of the Space and Time Continyew-Continuem-Space and Time Portal...summoned to foil a measly theft? Oh, well, better get my costume on..."

      Running onto the landing and sliding down the banister ("the Hog Pole!"), the Moehog picked up the foot-wiping mat from where his owner had kicked it. Grabbing some string and a hole-punch, the Masked Moehog managed to tie his new Hog Cape around his shoulders.

      "And now, my mask!" the superhero announced dramatically to the empty dining room as his eyes searched the place for an appropriate item. "For a Masked Moehog without the mask is like a omelette without the egg! Ah!" he cried triumphantly upon spying the table cloth. "There it is!"

      Placing the cloth over his head, the Moehog tied it up at the back with the last remains of his string before standing proudly in his hurried costume. "Now to foil some evildoers no-good deeds of injustice! Masked Moehog, AWAY!"

      CRASH!

      "Er...my keen Hog Senses detect that my mask is in dire need of eye-holes!"

      ~**~

Meanwhile, in the National Neopian Bank's main vault, two bandits stood stock-still. One of them held a glowing bag as the other shouted demands to the squad of Defenders that had trapped them in.

      "We want enough cases to carry one hundred million Neopoints! After that we'll need safe passage to the new moon, where we intend to buy our own mansion and start an intergalactic business!"

      "And if your demands are not met?" a Defender of Neopia called back with the type of sarcasm that meant that of course the demands wouldn't be met, but it was best to humour the fools whilst the squad decided on a plan.

      "Then my accomplice here," at the mention of himself, the bandit holding the glowing bag pulled a pair of tongs from his belt and delved into the bag, "will crush this Radioactive Muffin into so many crumbs that every single Neopoint in here will grow legs and walk out with us!"

      Silence came from the other side of the vault door.

      "Worried?" the first bandit asked with a sneer as the second one passed the tongs to him.

      "No," a voice called from above them. Both bandits looked up to the vault's skylight (don't ask me why a vault full of money would have a skylight, I didn't build the place), where a figure stood with hands on hips. The light caused the figure to become a silhouette...like a panel from a comic book. "They know that they don't need to be worried anymore. Not now that the Masked Moehog is here!"

      With those proud words the figure leapt into the vault, arms and legs outstretched...

      CRASH!

      "Ooh...could've sworn flight was one of my powers..."

      "Is that...is that a kid?" the bandit holding the Muffin asked incredulously. Upon closer inspection, he laughed out loud. "It is! What does he think he's playing at? Is this who you send in to stop us, O mighty Defenders?"

      "He's not one of ours," the Defenders called back in confusion. "Must be some kid playing Lets Pretend and got carried away with the part..."

      "I am no child, thieves! I am the -"

      "Masked Moehog, I know, I heard you the first time," the first bandit yawned. "Grab him, Len."

      "Why me?"

      "How's about because you're not the one holding a nuclear cake anymore?"

      "That's a good 'because,' George..."

      As the second bandit approached the Masked Moehog, the Neopet stood up, staring straight at him. "Be warned! I have powers beyond the imaginations of mortals!"

      "Like plummeting? What are you waiting for, Len? Grab him already!"

      As the other bandit hurried to oblige, the Moehog shifted into a fighting stance. "Very well!" he snarled menacingly. "But don't say I didn't warn you...Hyper Hero Hooves of Justice!"

      This strange outburst was followed by the Moehog leaping upon the bandit known as Len, punching, kicking and generally just stamping on the villain with all four blurring limbs.

      "Hee, hee, hee!" Len gasped with laughter from amidst the flurry of flying hooves. "St-stop that! Please! It tickles me! I give up, alright? Uncle! Uncle!"

      As the Masked Moehog jumped off of the bandit, Len stumbled out of the vault and into the waiting arms of the Defenders, giggling all the while.

      "Stand back!" the second bandit cried as the Moehog turned on him. He held up the tongs carrying the glowing Radioactive Muffin. "Don't come any closer or I'll smash it to pieces!"

      Slowly, menacingly, the Masked Moehog approached the bandit, who panicked. "I-I-I warned you!" he exclaimed as he gave the Radioactive Muffin a hard squeeze with the tongs.

      BOOM!!!

      The bandit was blown backwards off his feet, slamming into the far wall of the vault where he remained in a dazed, charred slump.

      After five minutes of silence, the Defenders decided to enter the vault with caution. Once inside they saw the other bandit knocked unconscious over by the far wall, with a sign tied around his neck:

     

"This thief needs to learn about unstable

      chemical compounds!

      The Masked

      Moehog"

~**~

Back his home (also known as "Hog-quarters"), the Masked Moehog noticed that someone was already inside. "They must not learn my secret identity!" he hissed as he looked for his bedroom window. When he found it, he was glad to see some ivy growing underneath.

      Climbing up the ivy faster than a speeding Nimmo on Prune Juice, the Moehog clambered through the window, onto the writing desk and...

      CRASH!

      When the Moehog awoke from where he had landed sprawled on the floor, he was once again wondering. "What? Who am I? And why am I wearing this strange costume?"

      Then he was the cover of a book that had landed nearby. Reading the title, everything made perfect sense to him:

     

"Avatar Hog, Master of Disguise!"

The End.

Author's Comments: Well, what did you all think of that? Crazy enough for all of ya? Comments on my stories are, as always, deeply appreciated.

 
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