Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 90,556,196 Issue: 161 | 8th day of Collecting, Y6
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Can You Count To Three?

by blubblub317


It's the morning. Yes, the morning. What a splendid time the morning is. Everything seems always so peaceful and serene, and the heavenly light slowly begins to creep up upon the world of Neopia. Wait, what the cheese am I saying?! I HATE MORNINGS! GRRRR! And trust me on this one, today ISN'T an exception!


     Oh, come on, how creative is that?! The story starts off with a "brriing"! Can you guess what that sound is? No, it's not a Snorkle vomiting, it's my stupid alarm clock driving me INSANE! Can you guess what happens next?

     "Zala, time to wake up!" Crazy, my fifteen year-old owner, says. Her glasses are positioned in an awfully bizarre way, her hair looks wild, and her clothes are completely ruffled. Just the way it should be.

     You may find it uncanny that my owner's name is Crazy. Well, it's not…for her, that is. Try to guess how many times I hear kids talk about my owner's stupid name each day. Wow, I seem to be making you guess quite a lot. Perfect! Just the way I want it!

     "Okay, okay," I grumble to Crazy, "I'm getting up."

     I roll myself off of my bed, and slam onto the wooden floor. "Ow," I mumble. "Fine, I lied. I didn't get up, I went down."

Ten Minutes Later…

     There's no point in telling you about me combing my boring hair, me changing into my boring clothes, and me brushing my teeth that has dozens of Mootix's stuck in the spaces! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

Ten Minutes Later…

     Wow, who knew breakfast could be so boring? Note the wild enthusiasm. Crazy did her usual routine, dumping her head in her bowl of cereal and laughing hysterically. Well, it's time to get out of this psychopathic home.

     "Bye!" I call out, as I step outside into the sane world.

     "Have a fun day at school, Zala!" Crazy yells from the kitchen. "I can't wait to make Weewoo voodoo dolls with you when you get back home."

     I roll my eyes. "Riiight.."

     At last, I begin my "walking to school". Ooh, when will the excitement end?!

Thirteen Minutes Later (HAHA)…

     I finally catch view of that horrendous building, even though I don't want to. This is the building where pets are eaten by their teache-uh, I mean, where pets are all perfect and get to LEARN! Oooh, how fun! I slowly drag my feet into the schoolyard, clenching my teeth together. Not too far away from me is a freak Chomby who's picking his nose, and behind me is a Mynci who's rolling on the ground, looking cross-eyed. Why am I not surprised that this is all happening?

     I pick up the speed of my walking, and rapidly enter the school building. Walk, walk, walk is all that I do. Wait, hold on. Something feels different. No, not feel, smells…

     Where's the rotten stench of Mrs. Kleckklahan's old Pfish? I make my way to my class, this question stumping my mind. As I approach my classroom, I can suddenly smell the sweet scent of lilacs. This can only mean one thing: SUBSTITUE TEACHER! I feel like shedding tears of joy, and announcing my happiness to the whole word of Neopia. Instead, I quietly keep to myself, carrying only a small smile.

     Unfortunately, to my deepest avail, the smelling is dramatically different from the actual seeing. The moment I enter the classroom, I can feel my stomach do a black flip. Sitting on Mrs. Kleckklahan's worn-out wooden chair is a Mutant Usul, which just brings me to say that at this exact moment I feel like screaming as loud as possible.

     "Helloooo!" the Usul says to me. "Come in, come in! My name is Ms. Insane, and I will be your teacher for the day!"

     Oh come on, you have GOT to be kidding me! MS. INSANE?! Fyora must hate me; that's all I can think! Without saying a word, I haul me feet to my desk, which is of course in the very far back corner. Luckily, I rather like it that way. I don't have to see the ugly faces of those pets that annoy the living daylight out of me.

     I plop down in my desk, and start doodling on my piece of paper paper. A few minutes later, students begin to rush in and chat with their friends. At last, the bell rings, announcing the start of the school day.

     "Class, class, please sit down!" Ms. Insane says in an unnecessary whiny tone. "My name is Ms. Insane!"

     I feel like crying when she says that.

     "You may all be wondering why I'm here. Well, Mrs. Kleckklahan is unfortunately sick today, so I will be your substitute for the day."

     The class immediately groans stridently, except for me. I grumble, glaring at my classmates who actually like Mrs. Kleckklahan.

     "Thank you, thank you!" Ms. Insane exclaims snobbishly, not noticing that the students are unhappy that she's there. "Well, let's get the day started! Our first lesson is Math!"

     "Awwww!" my classmates whine. They reach for their math textbooks in their desks, but Ms. Insane quickly cuts in.

     "Please don't take out your pencil crayons! Today is going to be a special lesson!"

     The class exchanges confuse glances, but no one bothers to say anything. Ms. Insane steps up to the board and grabs a piece of ghostly white chalk. She then writes, "TODAY'S LESSON: COUNTING TO THREE!"

     I almost burst out laughing from the sheer stupidity of it all. Malayna, a red Kyrii who sits right beside me, raises her hand. Ms. Insane points to Malayna. "Yes?"

     "Uh, hate to break this to you, but we learned how to count to three four years ago!"

     Ms. Insane frowns. "No, no, you're completely messed up! We're learning to count to three now!"


     "Enough!" Ms. Insane abruptly yells. "Now, let's begin. Repeat after me class: ONE!"

     "ONE!" the class shouts back.

     Ms. Insane shows a smile full of disgusting glee. I seriously feel like that Snorkle who's barfing outside the window. Oh, don't worry; it's only a figment of my imagination! Yeah, I have insane hallucinations, if you didn't know. Or do I? Anywho, moving along with the story…

     "GOOD!" Ms. Insane yells. "Now once more! ONE!"

     "DUMPLINGS!" Damien, a yellow Skeith who's the class clown, exclaims, laughing at the same time.

     Ms. Insane immediately shoots her head towards him, glaring. "COME HERE!" she roars, thrusting her finger towards the poor Skeith.

     Damien now looks rather nervous. He slowly stands up from his char, and walks to the front of the class. He stares at the Usul, his eyes wide with fear. Ms. Insane lowers her head till her three eyes are exactly meeting the center of his eyes. "IT'S ONE," she hisses slowly.

     In my mind, the only thing that I can imagine happening next is Damien bursting into tears. It really wouldn't be surprising to me. WOOHOO! I AIN'T SURPRISED! That poor ol' Skeith is now crying his heart out.

     "I WAMMA MA MOMMY!" Damien cries.

     Ms. Insane slowly pushes him out of the class as he continues wailing, and then slams the door shut.

     "MOVING ALONG!" she says. "The next number is TWO! Who can say two?"

     Malayna instantly shoots her hand up. Of course, she's the teacher's banana. Or is that Neopet?

     "TWO!" Malayana exclaims proudly. She smiles dashingly, and throws her hair back in a slow motion. Suddenly, she tips to far to her side and falls like a piece of brick to the ground.

     "I'm all right!" is all that I can hear. I stifle a giggle, my eyes dancing with lively amusement.

     "Now, now, let's not get too over-excited," Ms. Insane proclaims. "But still, good job! Now, the next and final number is very tricky. It's MUCH longer then one or two, so bear with me. Who can say threee?"

     No one raises their hand.




     What a hypnotic and atrocious voice that is. It sounds too beast-like to be an Usul, but not ugly enough to belong to Sloth.

     Ms. Insane now seems frustrated. She paces around the desks, staring at the students, expecting them to reply to her awfully difficult inquiry. Unfortunately, to my disbelief, she halts right alongside my desk, and turns her head towards me.

     "Answer!" she snaps.

     I gulp, staring back at her with wide, oblivious eyes. I'm always so witty and charming when thinking, but when it comes to actually talking to the person or pet, I deserve a -F.

     "T-three…" I whisper nervously.

     "WHAT?!" Ms. Insane exclaims obnoxiously.

     "Three!" I say louder.


     "THREE!" I yell, suddenly infuriated by my teacher's stupid behavior.


     My eyes bulge out of their sockets upon hearing Ms. Insane's futile attempt at being a smart Alec. This teacher is thinking way too much of herself if she thinks she can embarrass in front of the whole class.

     I glare at Ms. Insane, my anger quickly fuelling up. Finally, when I feel that I've reach an absolute boiling point, I stand up and yell as loud as I can, "I SAID THREE, YOU UGLY, OLD BRUTE! ARE THOSE EAR PLUGS I SEE STUCK IN YOUR EARS OR IS THAT JUST SMELLY, OLD EARWAX THAT I PRESUME HAS BEEN PILING UP IN THERE FOR YEARS?! EITHER WAY, YOU PRETTY MUCH LOOK AND SMELL LIKE A DESK FULL OF DUNG!"

     My class instantly gapes at me in shock, but I don't take the time to notice. I quickly pile all of my books in my arms, and race outside of the classroom. I make my way through the humid hallways, and finally make it outside.

     I sigh, and breathe a waft of fresh air that swiftly intoxicates my lungs. Relaxation spreads over my body, and I feel relieved that I did what I did. I ponder for a few moments…


     …I am so dead.

     Uh…26 Hours Later? (What? I'm Not Good with Math!)

     It's the next day, and I'm on my way to school. The same thought from last night is painfully running through my head, What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to me?

     Time is too quick for me to handle. Before I can blink, I'm in the hallways of my school. All of my classmates are pointing at me and grinning. Worst of all, they're whispering. Whispering about the events that occurred yesterday. What a tortuous sign.

     I pass the 1st grade classroom, and catch view of Ms. Lullaby, the 1st grade teacher, and Ms. Stinky, the 2nd grade teacher, chatting non-stop.

     "I really can't believe this!" I can hear Ms. Lullaby say. "My students were left all by themselves in my classroom for the whole day while I was in bed, sick."

     Ms. Stinky frowns and asks, "Well, didn't the school hire a substitute teacher for the day?"

     "Of course they did! Her name was Ms. Insane, but she never did end up coming to the classroom. However, it's quite a good thing this happened. Later on during the day, the school found out that she has a severe case of hallucinations, and usually sees different images that other pets can't see."

     "Hmmm, how odd. Do you think that had something to do with her not coming to the school yesterday?"

     "Oh, I guarantee it."

The End

Author's Note: WHEET! Thankies for reading my story! Comments are so, so, so, so appreciated! :D

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