The Sloth Gummy That Got Away
It started out so pleasant.
I was born in Virtupets Space Station– home of my creator, Franky. I never actually met Franky. He was spoken of as a legend among legends, Happiness Faerie impersonator and Beastly Ninja Tax Invader – whatever that means. Anyway, I lived for a short time in one of his most ingenious creations, the prestigious ‘Grundo Factory’. There, I learned the ancient art of holding my breath, sitting stiffly and staring blankly at everyone and everything. I was surrounded by illustrious machinery, glimmering in their rustic awe and dazzling me with their vibrant appeal of abuse and neglect. The workers were gorgeously chiseled and generously blessed with a profound air of apathy and regret. Everything was so beautiful!
Since my scores were so high on the ‘Processing’ Exam, I was honored with the Limited Edition Easter packaging rather than the Standard Gold packaging that most of my companions got. When it came time for shipping, I was so happy and bursting with joy – even though I couldn’t show it – I pictured myself running up to one of the Grundos and hugging their ghastly bloodshot little faces like there was no tomorrow! How ironic that was.
Sometime later, I arrived at the destination of my future dreams. It smelled barren of human contentment and seemed to possess as its guardian a chubby Chia with a disastrous looking haircut and a curious apron tied about its waist. I do regret to say that the environment was entirely permeated with the stench of over-priced baby food, which harshly contradicted my previous notions of what paradise was. Humble beginnings for a hero! But I was satisfied with the path that I had chosen. Here I would make a name for myself – here I would show the others that there actually was a purpose to my life! To live and show the world what a true, ‘tasty’ Sloth Gummy I could be. ‘Tas’ meaning to endure and ‘ty’, meaning torture! Ha-Ha-Ha! I’ll show them.
I was hung on a peg alongside my morbidly obese cousin, the GIANT Sloth Gummy. To be incredulously large like him was certainly a thing to boast of, but I would not be intimidated. I was determined to sell faster than him and you know what – I did.
An unassuming young Xweetok approached me one day, carefully comparing me to those blasted Chocolate Cybunny’s on the top shelf and ultimately decided on my handsome, placid face. Oh joyous occasion! Praises be to the Happiness Faerie! I silently counted my blessings as this giddy Xweetok graciously took me in her paw and carried me off into the blissful sunset!
Or dimly-lit Neohome.
It was there that I realized my worst nightmare. IT WAS THERE that I met my gruesome reality. I distinctly remember the sensation of excitement I felt as she lifted me out of the plastic grocery bag and set me on her wobbly desk. I gazed into her majestic glowing eyes and saw with what pleasure she beheld my beautiful green physique.
As I sat contemplating what feelings of happiness I would experience next – for sitting and thinking was all I could really do – I saw her paw hover over me and proceed to tear open the colorful packaging I was situated in. At long last, it had come! The measure of my creation was all meant for this very moment!
To this day I do not know what exactly I was expecting, maybe a playful squeeze or a caressing tickle, but I digress. Dear friends, for your future safety, I will proceed to unfold the unspeakable horrors that were about to commence.
As her fingers wriggled in, I saw her grab one of my companions. I silently saluted him and wished him glory and honor as he was taken up. I saw her press him to her lips and just as I was about to jump for joy –
SHE BIT HIS HEAD OFF!
Great was my horror at this discovery! Trembling and fearful was my gelatinous body. How frightened I was! How disabling the terror! And then the fingers.
They came back.
How marvelous and wonderful they were to my eyes seconds before, how monstrous and brutish they seemed before me now! On a last-second survival instinct (derived from who knows what) I unwaveringly decided that I wanted to live and that the Easter packaging was bondage and that all along I had been kept in a cell relinquishing my freedom until the appointed hour of death. Now had been the moment that decided my existence. Now would be the moment that would shape the fate of all Sloth Gummies!
Her finger gently nudged me, I relented. Breaking free from this monster’s enticement, I happened upon an inner-strength that I had not known before. The will to break the chains of design previously implanted into me for the sole purpose of appeasing this barbarian’s appetite. I broke free.
And I moved.
So great was the astonishment of my comrades that I daresay one of them blinked. Indeed, it was even more appalling to the ludicrous Xweetok standing before me that such an object deemed lifeless and inanimate could have persuasion to move his faculties! Dumbfounded, the creature stared unmoving – and I took the only chance I had.
Diving into the depths below, I fell upon a cushion of soft, yarn-like material sticking up out of the ground. I found it difficult to waddle across this terrain, but did succeed in attracting the attention of a savage Angelpuss named Tiddles. Possessed of such a glutinous lust for my squishy sugariness, he leaped at me with the full intent to swallow me whole. Through sheer dumb luck, I managed to dive under him and latch onto his collar seemingly unnoticed. The beast hadn’t a clue that I was hanging onto him and glanced around his surroundings utterly confused.
The owner of this ferocious mongrel had not seen me perform the stunt either. Disgusted and altogether dazed, she tossed the bag of my long-deserted friends into the trash – and I lost all hopes of ever seeing them again.
The beast, however, not thinking much of the incident, decided that he would rather go search for Rainblugs instead of hunt for my worthless, sugary behind. Therefore, he jumped onto the messy kitchen counter top and graciously leaped out of the open kitchen window which then guaranteed my everlasting escape.
Thus, I attained my freedom. Call it destiny, call it whatever you may. But know this: you know not where I am nor how this message came to be in the Neopian Times. All you really need to know is that I am alive, and it is my life’s duty to warn my fellow Sloth Gummies of the impeding danger that awaits them if they do not break free of the mold and escape from the grasp of Franky. I write this message with a great deal of regret, as I wish I could have saved my friends. But no more, fellow Sloth Gummies. No more shall we sit stagnant in ignorance while our captors benefit from our demise. It is time that we fight for our freedom, and rebel against those that would abuse and demean our existence.
Your friend in bondage and in freedom,