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An Overly-Complicated Analysis of the Slushie Shop


by pep364

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Happy Valley is a happy place, why else would it be called Happy Valley? Jolly residents spread cheer throughout the streets and show that the warmest town in Neopia is indeed found at the frozen base of Terror Mountain. These dandy denizens come from different backgrounds and species, but one thing that they can all agree on is that it is never too cold to have a slushie. The Slushie Shop is considered by many to be the gem of Happy Valley, neopets flock from all over Neopia to sample the frosty goodness of one of the shop’s famous slushies. “But why slushies in a perpetually winter wonderland?” You might ask. Today I am here to find out, I am going to give you an overly-complicated analysis of the Slushie Shop.

My analysis will be split into three parts: Aesthetics, products, and the price of said products. We have one store and one complicated analysis to do, so let’s get started.

Aesthetics

The Slushie Shop is located on the eastern end of Happy Valley, its closest neighbour is the Wintery Petpets store which is located to the south. To the north is a path leading to the treacherous Ice Caves. Let’s take a look at the shop itself. The exterior matches with the theme of the town, a pleasant and simple wintery décor complete with complimentary snow on the roof! A sign post extending from the left side of the building holds a wooden sign with a picture of a pink slushie drawn onto it, indicating what the store sells. A chimney on the roof puffs out a steady stream of white smoke. Inviting exterior this is, let’s move inside and get a look at the guts of this operation.

I step through the door to be greeted by a fireplace, I can instantly smell the pleasant aroma of burning wood. To my right is a large grandfather clock. The shop itself seems quite classy, I did not expect a slushie shop to be so aesthetically pleasing. Behind the counter a striped winter-clad Eyrie beckons me to come over. I’m currently his only customer. I turn my attention to the multitude of shelves behind the shopkeeper. Neatly placed on the shelves are slushies of varying color, each looking quite inviting for a thirsty customer. The Eyrie is now looking at me with a confused expression, likely wondering why I am just standing here looking around. It is time to sample the delights of this sugary shack.

Products

I introduced myself to the Eyrie shopkeeper as a first-time author writing an article analyzing his shop. The Eyrie lit up and gathered some random slushies off his shelves. He placed them on the counter and smiled at me smugly. “Try these” He insisted, “You won’t get this kind of flavor anywhere else!” Before I could respond his expression changed to a more serious demeanor. “I don’t want a negative review, I won’t let you leave with a negative review…” What a guy, I could already taste the passion he had for his slushies. With free slushies they should taste even better. Let’s get down to the slushie-sampling, shall we?

Grapity Slushie

This purple slushie with blue dots was shaking violently. “This one is shaking…” I noted. “Yes! Those grapes just love being in a grapity slushie, they can’t wait to be inside you!” The shopkeeper proudly proclaimed. I cautiously brought the straw to my mouth, taking care to avoid dropping the boisterous beverage. I took one sip…it was…grapity. Quite nice, the grapes really did seem to charge towards my stomach.

8/10

Berry Cola Slushie

This slushie was also moving, hovering slowly up and down. “It does that because it’s vibrant!” The shopkeeper said. I caught the slushie mid-air and took a sip. Definitely an explosion of flavor, the crisp taste of cola was complimented by the sweet and tangy taste of a blend of berries.

9/10

Cheese Slushie

The shopkeeper pushed a bright yellow slushie towards me. “My pineapple slushies always get great reviews!” He then paused to think, “Or maybe this is lemon….try it!” Expecting some sort of fruity flavor, I took a sip of this intriguing yellow beverage. When the cooling liquid hit my tongue I nearly jumped. This slushie…it tasted like cheese! The Eyrie shopkeeper looked confused before being hit with a realization. “Oh! I have a feeling you got…sour lemon!” The taste of sharp cheddar was still in my mouth, I replied calmly: “For what reason…would anyone want a cheese-flavored slushie?

6/10 (It’s a good thing that I like cheese!)

Stone and Slime Slushie

The shopkeeper seemed somewhat taken back by my comment. “Plenty of Neopians love a good frozen cheese drink! Have you ever heard of Meercas?” I apologized, I guess he was right to try to appeal to a wide variety of demographics. The Eyrie smiled and slid a strange concoction towards me. It was green with a bunch of hard, irregular shapes floating in it. “This looks like stones floating in a bunch of slime” I said. The Eyrie was now quite impatient, “This is a favorite amongst Tyrannians, but I guess your palate can’t handle such foreign flavors?” He took the slushie back, I was quite happy.

???/10

Snowflake Slushie

This drink looked like someone had scooped of some snow from outside and put it in a cup. The Eyrie eyed me curiously as I drank it. Yep, definitely just snow. “Why would anyone pay to drink snow?” The shopkeeper was annoyed again. “Not just any snow… Happy Valley snow! It is truly the most pure kind.” At that point I didn’t really care, I had enough slushies by then anyway. Now I’ll quickly analyze the pricing scheme of this shop.

3/10

Prices

The shopkeeper kindly explained the prices. Some were fairer than others.

Grapity Slushie - 333NP

Berry Cola Slushie - 866NP

Cheese Slushie - 5,000NP

Stone and Slime Slushie - 529NP

Snowflake Slushie - 674NP

As you can see there is clearly an outlier. Why is the cheese slushie so expensive? The shopkeeper revealed to me that he only gets his cheese from Meridell, therefore the import costs are rather high. I also don’t understand why the snowflake slushie is so expensive, if one can just scoop snow from outside into a cup shouldn’t it be fairly cheap? The shopkeeper described it as “selling the brand”. Whatever that means. And then there is that dancing grapity slushie, the cheapest of the bunch. Why drink snow or cheese when you can have a beverage with grapes who are so uppity to be eaten? My final call on the prices is that they’re strangely inconsistent. Delicious flavors are cheaper while “exotic” flavors are more expensive. I’m glad to be exposing this flaw, speaking of which I should not have noted that out loud.

Conclusion

The Eyrie now looks pretty scary, he really did not like how I just said “exposing”. But don’t get me wrong, the Slushie Shop is truly a staple of Happy Valley and I encourage anyone looking for a nice chilling treat (even in a wintery town) to sample one of the unique slushies found in the Slushie Shop!

Now I am signing off because it looks like the Eyrie just barricaded the exit with an ice machine.

……

Now he’s taking the stone and slime slushie…..oh no

Please send help

[REDACTED]

 
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