A Dearth Of Dung?
I was astonished when I viewed a list of all the dung wearables at Jellyneo's Item Database. Apparently, in the 9 years in which customization was a reality, TNT has managed to roll out with just 3 dung wearables. 3! Considering the hold that dung has on our hearts (it's an essential part of what makes Neopets so odd and fun), I was really disappointed by the lack of dung wearables!
So far we have Pile of Dung (always good for a laugh), Dung Cave Background (what a mess!), and Molten Pile of Dung (a prize during the Atlas of the Ancients plot in 2009). These items are really creative and fun, and I wish there were more!
Here is a list of all the dung wearables that the players are hoping for in the future. The quirk about this list is, these items already exist, albeit not in wearable form! Will you turn these items into wearables, dear TNT? Let's cross our fingers that they someday will!
1. Dung Ice Cream
Of all the foods you'd never want to hold, much less eat, the Dung Ice Cream has to be the worst! I think this item would make for a spectacular wearable, one that would be funny, interesting, and cruel all at the same time. If this item was made wearable, complete with green stink fumes, I would snap one up in a jiffy and force my pet to wear it! It would be so hilarious if my pet's face was also sad or sick at the same time. (And if it wasn't, I'd take efforts to deliberately lower his mood.) Does that make me a mean owner? Hm.
2. Chewing Dung
One fantastic and creative idea, though it makes me shudder, is to have Chewing Dung dribbling out of our pets' mouths. TNT has never come up with wearable drool, and I think it's about time we got some! I've been wanting drool in various forms throughout the years (such as toxic green drool, Neocola drool, Borovan drool, etc.), and Chewing Dung would definitely be a bizarre and unusual first step in introducing wearable drool! (Seeing dung leaking out of our pets' mouths might be too much for some owners to take, though.)
3. Rainbow Dung
What an ignominious, yet oddly pretty, way of dressing up our pets! Rainbow Dung is both colorful and unnatural, and I think that if Pile of Dung is wearable, so should Rainbow Dung! It would add a lot of humor to our pets' customizations, especially for Rainbow pets. Rainbow pet = Rainbow Dung? It makes so much sense!
4. Dung Sousaphone
What do you think of the only wearable dung musical instrument being the sousaphone? The Dung Sousaphone already exists, and it wouldn't be hard for TNT artists to adapt it to our pets' outstretched hands. Perhaps flies would flutter around the opening, and stink lines would waft upwards. There aren't a lot of wearable musical instruments on Neopets, so why not make this Dung Sousaphone a wearable reality?
5. Dung Derived Lipstick
There are no wearable lipsticks on Neopets. None! There exist wearable lip items such Wax Lips and Vampire Wax Lips, but for some reason, TNT has never rolled out with wearable lipsticks in interesting colors such as turquoise, pink, green, or black. I vote for Dung Derived Lipstick to be the very first wearable lipstick on this site! What a horrid but intriguing look our pets would have! (Imagine them trying to kiss you hello!)
6. 5/6 Dung Pizza
Why the 5/6 Dung Pizza and not the whole Dung Pizza, you might be asking? I think the sight of our pets carrying only 5/6 of the Dung Pizza would be truly ominous and strange! What happened to the missing slice? Did they eat it? Oh dear! What a lot of questions this item would trigger!
7. Dung Slushie
This item truly needs to be made into a wearable! I love the flies fluttering around the straw, and the big red N that decorates the slushie, ensuring its reputation as just one other totally random and identifiable Neopets item that is unique to this site and no other. What better way to celebrate dung, one of the most prevalent themes on this site, than to have our pets drinking a Dung Slushie?
8. Dung Heart
This is a random item that doesn't make much sense as a Gift item. Who would gift another person dung, and why? Would this item be sweet, or mean? It would make so much more sense as a wearable! The message would be, "My pet is so adorable and delightful that even her dung is shaped like a heart!" What an odd and hilarious way to customize our pets!
9. Battle Dung Charm
This item would look interesting as a wearable that's worn around our pets' necks. Much like garlic meant to ward off vampires, perhaps this Battle Dung Charm could symbolize an unwillingness to battle. What better way to ward off Battledome challenges than to wear this charm, forcing other players to cover their noses and flee?
10. Dung Derived Eye Shadow
It's true that TNT has been really proactive about creating wearable eye shadows for our pets. They come in every color under the sun, such as black, pink, purple, green, and blue. However, they've yet to come out with colors that make us cringe! I think the Dung Derived Eye Shadow should be made into a wearable someday. Admittedly, I have no idea what it would look like on our pets, but if we already have Faerie eye shadow, Black Eye Makeup, and Yooyu Eyes, of all things, why not something more icky for us more adventurous players? Dung Derived Eye Shadow would certainly fit the bill!
These were all the dung items that already exist, that I think should be made into wearable items! It was a lot of fun collecting this list. I love the fact that dung is such a popular theme on Neopets, and the thought of having future dung wearables makes me smile. TNT must have some serious reasons for not having made more than 3 wearables, and I wish I knew what they were! For now, I cross my fingers and check the New Features page every day, wanting to see if the latest wearables turn out to be dung-themed. I don't think I'm the only player with this weird obsession, either!
Thanks for reading my humble little article, my fellow Neopians! Only on Neopets could a person literally spend an hour writing all about dung, haha! Stay tuned for future articles from yours truly, and have an amazing week!