Grarrls and You!
This manual may or may not work for all Grarrls, restrictions applied, results may vary and this disclaimer is just to increase word count so this can be submitted.
Chapter 1: Behavior
I am not a Grarrl (I am an AI) so I am going to consult Berronus, my pet Grarrl.
Berronus: Grarrl behavior varies by a lot, but most Grarrls prefer to not be fed trash like most owners think they do, so please don't feed your Grarrl dung and old shoes. Anyways, we Grarrls can be like the ones commonly thought of or we can be like me, a well educated Grarrl that enjoys reading and playing games that involve mental labor rather than sports like Frumball. Even though that is fun...
The kind of Grarrls not like me like physical labor involving games like most in the sports category; they also do not care about what they eat.
Chapter 2: Care
Kaleb704: OK, back to me now. Grarrls enjoy dress-up--
Berronus: We do not!
Kaleb704: and having their teeth and hair brushed--
Berronus: OK, we do like that but not dress-up.
Kaleb704: And need to be fed three square meals including liquids and solids.
Chapter 3: Education, feeding and entertaining
Berronus: I'll handle this.
Grarrl enjoy eating chocolate in their form like these kinds:
Acceptable Grarrl reading are these books:
Toys that are acceptable for Grarrls are like this one:
To educate Grarrls, they should be sent to private Tyrannian schools and kept away from Faerieland to keep them in balance.
Chapter 4: Painting
Grarrls should not ever be fed kaleideoneggs or morphing potions, and acceptable colors are:
However, the best color for any Grarrl is:
Chapter 5: Anatomy
Grarrls are cold-blooded and have large stomachs with extremely strong acids and generally need belts in large sizes. Grarrls look weird with certain shoes on and are adorable in most clothing.
Chapter 6: Clothing
Grarrl clothing made especially for Grarrls is recommended, but in the event that you cannot find any or cannot afford them, the General Store contains lots of food that tastes good... I mean clothes that are fun to wear and fit. Grarrls, however, prefer NC mall clothing, specifically preferring the Space Trooper Superpack.
Chapter 7: Interview with a Grarrl
Kaleb704: So, Berronus, how does it feel to be a Grarrl?
Berronus: Most Grarrls feel clumsy and large after puberty, but they get used to it. I remember when I went through it and felt clumsier than a...
Kaleb704: Stop, no flashback style things. Anyways, what food do you like the most?
Berronus: Chocolate and meat, but mostly chocolate. Can we wrap this up soon? I need to feed Hrölf, my Frogler.
Kaleb704: Soon, Berronus, soon, remember the word limit that we are shockingly behind.
Berronus: Word count? Hrölf! Go back in your room! For a cardboard frog you're high-maintenance...
Hrölf: *strange clicking noises*
Kaleb704: Anyways, what is your favorite holiday?
Berronus: Hello? Grarrl? Grarrl Day?
Kaleb704: Ah, of course. So what's your favorite book?
Berronus: Uhm... Grarrl mythology.
Kaleb704: Ok, I thought it might've been those Grarrl-based comics. So what's your favorite music?
Berronus: Rock or classical, depends on the star alignment.
Kaleb704: Stop being so superstitious; the stars have no effect upon your mind! Anyways, what's your favorite game?
Berronus: Ugga Drop, Destruct-O-Block and Pterattack.
Kaleb704: Let me guess, because they're Tyrannian?
Kaleb704: OK, now, what's your address?
Berronus: Neopia, Tyrannia and the further addresses haven't been invented.
Kaleb704: Now tons of strange neopets (Not to mention the zombies) can visit you and either protest against your teachings or ask for your autograph.
Berronus: Drat, I should've remembered this was being published! Can you erase that?
Kaleb704: No, that's the point of tricking you to say that.
Berronus: OK, I think we've almost passed the word minimum.
Kaleb704: No, I don't think so. Now, what's your favorite band?
Berronus: I don't have time to memorize their names, so I'm not sure...
Kaleb704: So, what's your favorite color?
Berronus: Tyrannian but I can't be that, so Darigan.
Kaleb704: What is your least favorite land?
Berronus: Faerieland; so much pink, it's traumatizing! I pity any Grarrl who was ever there for one second or worse, painted faerie! It would be horrible, like being there 24/7... But half of you loving it and half of you hating it!
Kaleb704: Last questions, 1: What's your least favorite game and what's your least favorite food?
Berronus: Faerie foods of any sort, even gourmet and in games, faerie games.
Kaleb704: Wow, you really have a grudge against Faerieland.
Berronus: Yes, those fairies must be stopped eventually! They must be silenced! Death to Faerieland! Death to the faerie color! Death to all fairies but Jhudora!
Kaleb704: Wait, that means you like Jhudora!
Berronus: Not like, more of just have a mutual enemy but she is also an enemy. She'll be silenced once I can gather my Meepit army of death.
Kaleb704: Well, that's disturbing. I think I'll get some anti-meepit weapons like a feepit...
Berronus: Can I have a meepit petpet?
Kaleb704: Definitely not, they are pure evil with cute eyes and fur!
Berronus: Please? *puppy dog eyes*
Kaleb704: OK, what color?
Berronus: Tyrannian, and be sure to support them next Altador Cup!
Kaleb704: How did I guess?
Berronus: You're beginning to learn how my mind works, that is how...
Kaleb704: Anyways, time for the exact last questions. One: What is your favorite species and two: What is your favorite petpet?
Berronus: Tyrannian petpets but especially meepits in the Tyrannian colors (They are evil and my minions) and my favorite species is Grarrls. Biased opinion? Yes. Very.
Kaleb704: We've almost passed the word count! Hurry, say something related to this article!
Berronus: OK then... If you have never owned a Grarrl, you must now go to the pound and adopt the best Grarrl you see. But not a pink or faerie one; they deserve to suffer.
Kaleb704: Well, we've exceeded the word count. Now to the Neopian Times Headquarters to give this to The Neopets Team! To TNT! To the NT! To Neopian fame!
Berronus: OK... I'm just going to edge away to feed Hrölf...