When Bearogs Attack
Once upon a time, my Lupe Puppy and I were sitting in our living room. He was reading one of his smart-books, and I was thinking about dinner for that night and breakfast for the next morning.
“Hey, Puppy,” I said after inspecting the fridge. “We’re out of orange juice. You want to go to the marketplace and get some?”
“Do I have to go with you?” he asked.
“Yes,” I told him. “I can’t leave you alone. Besides, you’re my ACTIVE pet. You’re supposed to be active and go do things with me!”
“Go get Tobias or Moonbeam to be your ACTIVE pet,” he said. “I’m reading my book right now.”
“But Tobias expects me to grovel behind him and Moonbeam screams at the sight of everything! I don’t like bringing them along!”
“Fine. This book isn’t that interesting anyway. I’m pretty certain you found it on the ground for free.”
“Actually, I won it from a game. But you don’t have to be grumpy about going with me! We could even visit the Money Tree!”
It erupted from the cabinet beneath the sink! It flew the cabinet door off its hinges and lunged for us! I gasped and grabbed the hose-faucet on the sink and sprayed water into its open, gaping mouth! It growled angrily and shook its head in violent anger! Puppy quick grabbed his book while it was distracted and hit it upside the head. It fell down, and we clamped its mouth shut with a belt and threw it into our secret basement beneath the rug.
“Yeah, that’d be good,” Puppy said. “He’s a nice guy.”
I went and grabbed my Neopoints and we headed out the door onto the sidewalk.
“Hello, Miss Fancocky!” I yelled at the pink Lenny lady who lived across from us. Her yard was decorated in plastic pink lennies. She looked up from watering her flowers.
“Hello, Umbreon and Puppy!” she shouted back. “Out to get some food?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I shouted back.
She turned back to her flowers.
We walked a little further down our street, and the two little Gelert brothers were playing Yooyuball in their yard. They accidentally threw a ball towards us.
“Hey, Puppy!” they shouted at him in their cute little Gelert voices. “Can you throw us that back?”
They leapt out from the bushes! There were two of them this time! I grabbed the manhole cover out of the street to use as a shield, and the Bearog’s chins collided against it with an echoing “CLANG!” The other one dashed after Puppy, but the cute little Gelert boys grabbed their extra ball and stopped the Bearog in his tracks! While they were unconscious, we threw them down into the sewers and placed the manhole cover back over the spot.
“Here’s your ball back,” Puppy said as he gave the Gelert boys their yooyuball.
“Thanks!” the oldest one said.
“Are you guys training for the Altador Cup?” I asked.
“Yeah!” the little one shouted excitedly. “We want to be like Lyvon Cibaire when we grow up!”
At the despicable mention of any team except Mystery Island, the Bearogs were roused to ferocious anxiety, and they burst out of the sewers with a vile stench. They burst forth so terribly, it caused a tremor across the cobblestoned streets, and we fell onto our knees. Seizing their chance, they barreled for us in our moment of weakness. But before they could reach us, plastic pink lennies zipped into the streets and formed a circular cage around the Bearogs. Miss Fancocky had trapped them with her ninja-like reflexes! All five of us grabbed an old carpet and rolled them up into it and threw them into the trash can.
“You shouldn’t want to be like Lyvon Cibaire,” I told the Gelert boys. “He’s a terrible person. He steals food from the Money Tree and does insider trading on the stock market. But Bertie Shurtz gives her Altador Cup winnings to the Soup Kitchen.”
I believe in brainwashing children at an early age.
“Bertie Shurtz isn’t a Gelert.”
“Then you should invest a good morphing potion.”
“Good luck finding that orange juice,” Miss Fancocky said after a brief pause. “I need to finish watering my garden!”
“Good bye, Umbreon! Good bye, Puppy!” the Gelert boys shouted.
We continued walking towards the Marketplace. Puppy lectured me about telling lies about other Yooyuball teams to make Mystery Island look good, but I was distracted by a cloud that looked like a hamburger with faerie wings. He didn’t stop lecturing me until we got to the main shop district.
“Umbreon,” Puppy said, “are you sure we can’t go into the Food Shop? It’s just right there, and it might have some orange juice.”
My face frowned.
“No, Puppy!” I exclaimed. “If they sell banana pudding there, there must be evil in that shop!”
“Umbreon!” he snapped angrily. “I’ve done a site search for banana pudding and it’s not listed anywhere!”
“The Neopets Team must have removed it,” I said. “Those wise, wise people. Even they know its evil must remain contained.”
“Umbreon, what is your problem with banana pudding? It’s just banana-flavored pudding! What is so wrong with that?”
“So many things, Puppy. So many things.”
We passed by the Money Tree and I waved. He was surrounded by n00bs and newbs and freeloaders and Lyvon Cibaire and every other player from every other team except Mystery Island, so he did not see me.
“Maybe later we could go to the Book Shop, too,” Puppy said. “I heard they got a few new books on Lupe Day.”
“Maybe,” I said. “I don’t have-”
They came running from behind the Food Shop! There were nearly five of them! The newbs and n00bs went screaming away! Puppy and I looked around for a weapon, but we could not find one! We turned to face the savage Petpets with our bare hands! One leapt for my face and I knocked it away with my elbow, but it was still up and running! Puppy quick round-house-kicked it away! There were still four more coming at us, and I took a deep breath in preparation, but then Kauvara and the Book Nimmo and that guy from the General Store appeared and each tackled a Bearog! Puppy and I grabbed the last one and wrestled it to the ground, but it was a fighting machine, and I had to roll it on the ground to keep it dizzy. The rest of everybody had come across the same technique, and we all rolled our Bearogs into the Rainbow Pool, where they magically turned into Cloud Bearogs and floated away like Camarillers.
“-much money,” I finished. “Hopefully the Shop Wizard can find us a good deal.”
“He usually does,” Puppy said. I nodded.
We continued walking, past the Chia poet statue and past the Neolodge and past the Soup Kitchen, where all the newbs and N00bs and Lyvon Chiabe had run to and past rows and rows and rows of advertisements and little shops and big shops and the shop where I buy Puppy’s anti-petpetpet sauce and then we happened to see OUR shop!
“Hey there!” I shouted to our shopkeeper. He is an Alien Aisha disguised as a Yellow Eyrie. We found him in the park. He’s quite good at protecting the shop and Neopia from malicious invaders, but he’s still learning our language.
“Weeeelcome,” he said.
“Hey there!” I shouted again quite enthusiastically. “How’s the shop going?”
“Geeeooood,” he said and pointed to our stuff. It looked very bright and shiny, and very buyable. “Peeeeople give meeee moneeeey, and I give them stufffff.”
“That’s right!” I said with a clap of my hands. “That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do!”
He clapped his hands three times and smiled.
“Have you been able to contact your home yet?” I asked.
He shook his head and pointed his finger at the sky.
“Theeeeeys send meeee here knowwwwwwledggge about Neeeeeopiiiiiia.”
“Good,” I said, nodding, not really certain what he’d just said.
We said good-bye and continued towards the Shop Wizard.
“Umbreon,” Puppy said, “I think you chose the weirdest shop keeper I’ve ever seen. I can’t imagine he makes the customers feel comfortable.”
“But he makes the robbers feel much more uncomfortable!” I said with a bright smile.
After a bit more walking, we finally made it to the Shop Wizard.
“Hello, Mr. Wizard!” Puppy greeted.
He smiled and got off his stool when he saw us. “Well, hello-”
They leapt into the tent from underneath the folds, and we hollered and Puppy grabbed his stool and began swinging it around. They whined and growled and screamed, and I grabbed some of the wizard’s magic potions and they started turning into Bearog plushies and Bearog stamps and Bearog TCG cards. The wizard, upon seeing his shop under attack, had gone into a frenzy and began dive-bombing the monster petpets from his counter. There must have been fifteen of them in all! When they were finally finished, we scooted them out of the tent with a broom.
There was one more hiding beneath some scrolls! I grabbed the hat right off the wizard’s head and stuffed the monster inside, and then I placed him on a magic pedestal where he was transported away to a shop somewhere.
“you two! What type of food are you looking for today?” the wizard asked.
“We need some orange juice,” I told him.
“Alright, let me put that into the magic search engine,” he said. He pushed a few buttons on his magic screen and lights flashed.
“Well, there’s some orange juice right in your price range in the southern district,” he said. “But there’s some a bit closer to your house in the western district.”
“Why don’t you transport us to the western one,” Puppy said.
“Really?” I asked. “You didn’t want to pick up those books on our way back?”
“Nah,” he said. “I’ve already got that one at home and I’m feeling a little tired now. I hear there’s a old-plot-themed marathon on Neovision tonight, anyway.”
He said that with a big stretching yawn.
“Oh, yeah,” I said. “That’ll be cool.”
“Alright,” the wizard said as we stepped onto his pedestal. “Good luck, you two!”
We went to the small little shop with the Gothic Usul shopkeeper and bought our orange juice quite quickly, as the shop was rather small, and we walked back home, past the two Gelert boys who were eating dinner and Miss Fancocky, who was reading her beauty magazine in her lawnchair.
So we finally got home, and I poured us two glasses of orange juice and big plates of omelettes, and we sat down on the sofa and arm chair and watched Neovision.
But we always kept a large stick nearby.
Because that’s the thing about Bearog attacks. They come when you least expect it.