White Weewoos don't exist. *shifty eyes* Circulation: 179,513,175 Issue: 443 | 14th day of Hunting, Y12
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Light Faeries, Chocolate, and the Lab Ray: A Scandal

by wizzy13_7


Inspired by squidtasticness2

The lab ray is a rather mysterious object in Neopia and often confuses many Neopians, but every few years, it has shed light on shocking scandals, wicked secrets, and even evil plots. It's that time again, and this time, what it has uncovered will bring me the Neopian Times trophy! *gets smacked*

I'm Cami, from... well, technically no one, since I got fired, but hey, how was I supposed to know that he wasn't really an imposter? Anyway, since I'm no longer legally allowed to talk about the “incident”, let's get back on topic, shall we?

Every newbie receives a book titled The Mystery of the Kougra Paw, but what exactly is that book about? The description says that “Someone has stolen the precious gem and the only clue is a strange shaped Kougra paw print...” but what does it mean when it says “strange shaped Kougra paw print”? Perhaps, the paw print was only partially there or showed signs of struggle, but for what reason would a Kougra be endangered? In the Kougra's description, it says that they love to practice pouncing on each other. They obviously have lots of training on defense, so who or what would want to mess with one of them? All of this, and more will be revealed below.

My friend, Ellee, has just recently zapped her Kougra chocolate, and she says that she'll never zap him again. Her Kougra, originally female, isn't too happy on remaining male, though, so after the successful zap, Ellee took Icy, her Kougra, to the Chocolate Factory to cheer him up. After all, everyone likes chocolate. Icy took one look and fled the store in terror. Why? There, on the top shelf, first aisle, was a Milk Chocolate Kougra Paw.

Let's take a trip to Kiko Lake, where Ellee lives. The first thing I noticed about her house was that the gigantic blue bandage that was normally on the colorful roof of her neohome was gone. Right beside the building was a neohome fruit cake launcher with the string going into a window. An exhausted Ellee answered the door.

Cami: Er, Ellee, where the Illusen is the huge kiko bandage that's normally on your roof?

Ellee: *sigh* The visit to the Chocolate Factory disturbed Icy, and he tore it down and is now using it as a shield against all “attackers”. Right now, he's armed with a fruit cake catapult and is hiding in a corner behind the private rocket ship. I haven't been able to get him to eat, much less force him outside.

Cami: Is it alright if I interview him?

Ellee: Fine by me. Fyora knows, it might do him some good.

Cautiously, I approached the traumatized Kougra.

Cami: Hey, Icy, what's got you so frazzled?

Icy: He's–he's coming for my paws!

Cami: Er, what?

Icy: The storekeeper, he lives in Kiko Lake!

Icy curled up into a ball and started whimpering. On my way out, I passed Ellee.

“I think Icy may have an irrational fear of the Chocolate Factory Kiko,” I informed her.

Now, let's travel on down to Neopia Central, where the Chocolate Factory lies. A tall, stone fortress topped with glistening chocolate smack-dab in the middle of the bazaar is where this infamous building is. Upon entering the store, the storekeeper greeted me.

“Welcome to the Chocolate Factory! Nobody ever goes in... nobody ever comes out, but we sell chocolate by the truckload!” he said mysteriously. While you ponder his words, browse the shelves for anything suspicious. Our efforts were rewarded almost immediately. The shelves are filled with goods that resembled pets in some way. Life-sized gummy kacheek tails, strawberry jelly chias, even a couple of milk chocolate kougra paws! To blend in, I grabbed a gummy kacheek tail and headed towards the checkout line. While the kiko was ringing me up, I interviewed him.

Cami: So, what did you mean earlier when you said that no one goes in, and no one comes out?

Kiko: Oh, uh, nothing. It's what I say to everyone, and it doesn't mean anything.

Cami: Interesting. So (gesturing towards the chocolate paws), are those real? Like, are they actually made of real Kougra paws?

Kiko: Of course not! (eyes darting back and forth) Er, it's closing time!

He quickly whisked me out of the store. How interesting, I thought as I chewed on the gummy. A sudden gasp snapped me out of my trance. A red kacheek was staring at me, eyes as wide as saucers. I glanced at the gummy in my mouth and noticed something. It looked exactly like the poor kacheek's! While the frightened kacheek scampered away, I made up my mind to get to the bottom of this.

Next, my dear readers, we shall do some research. Remember when I first quoted the Kougra's description? Let's go back to that. Right behind the line that I quoted before is another line, another clue to this mystery. “What else would those enormous paws be good for?” What else indeed. I decided to buy a chocolate paw myself to study. Since the Chocolate Factory was closed, let's head over to the Shop Wizard. A sudden flash of light materialized and, squinting, I stepped back.

“New Quest! Please bring me Sir Cheekalot!” a light faerie ordered. How rude of her to interrupt a reporter's search for knowledge. Maybe there was a reason behind it...

“Hey, wait, aren't you the faerie that runs the Wheel of Excitement?” I asked. Why would she need a trading card? Unless, of course, this was just a random object that was acting as a road block

“Er, no time. Hurry!” With another flash of light, she vanished.

Fyora knows what this faerie's up to, so I continued to the Shop Wizard.

“NO!” The same light faerie appeared out of nowhere and blocked my path. Note how desperate she was to pause my quest for the truth.

Behind her, the Shop Wizard sighed. “Larissa, don't you have a wheel to tend to?”

“Not until she leaves.”

Wouldn't you be offended too? With a huff, I trudged to the marketplace. A large, grand shop is on the edge of the marketplace. It has everything that's anything there. Everything, that is, except sweets. While I paid for the lousy card, I interviewed the shopkeeper, a blue Krawk named Charles.

Cami: So, Charles, why is it that there isn't any candy here?

Charles: We chose not to sell them for a reason. There's something wrong going on inside the Chocolate Factory; I know there is. That'll be 1,000 neopoints.

I thanked him and then traveled up to Faerieland to give the card to Larissa. The colorful wheel smelled of trouble when I approached it. I wasn't just here to finish my quest; Larissa would be questioned whether she likes it or not.

Larissa: Welcome to the–oh, it's just you. Hand over the card.

Cami: Is it true that the Chocolate Factory uses real pets to make their products?

Larissa: Preposterous! GriffinGirl9000 has gone up a level! Now, shoo, the more you stand here, the fewer neopoints are made, and this job doesn't pay well, you know.

See how she purposely avoided granting my Kougra the level? Now that you mentioned it, she almost always refuses to, preferring to help my other pets. This case just got a whole lot more complicated.

Now, let's go back to the Shop Wizard. I might as well interview him.

Cami: Mr. Shop Wizard, what do you know about the Chocolate Factory Kiko?

Mr. Shop Wizard: Oh, him, hmm, not much. He never comes to the shopkeeper picnics or potlucks. He always claims to be “too busy” with the factory.

­Cami: Okay, now what about Larissa? She mentioned earlier how she doesn't make much, yet why did she take time off from her job to prevent me from consulting you?

Mr. Shop Wizard: Eh, it's probably part of her job. She's done it hundreds of times, preventing questers like you from buying her cards the easy way.

Cami: And what's the deal on her cards? Why does she want them anyway? Oh, and where can I find a milk chocolate kougra paw?

Mr. Shop Wizard: Don't tell anyone I told you, but on weekends, she goes to card conventions. I think she might be addicted. Turn left until you reach the little froofy, pink hut.

Let's skip the part where I'm rolling on the floor laughing, and fast-forward to the part where I point out another key factor. Let's head over to the milk chocolate kougra paw's description. “No need to worry – we declawed this paw before dipping it into chocolate.” Ah ha! So they do use real Kougra paws! But what about the claws? This, and more, will be revealed next.

A journey to the sweets shop will answer our questions. It's a small establishment that only sells candy. The clerk was an Usul, a rather bored one. Someone like that will probably answer our questions, if there aren't any other customers, of course.

“Welcome to the Sweets Boutique!” She bounced over here.

Cami: Why's everything here candy?

Usul: Because no one can resist it! Plus, the Chocolate Factory is, like, uber-awesome!

Cami: Wait, what's that?

Usul: Oh, this? It's just Kougra claws. I got it at the Wheel of Excitement, and the faerie just handed it to me. For free!

Cami: Thanks, that's all I wanted to know.

Usul: Wait, you're not going to buy anything?


All the pieces are in front of us now. In conclusion, the Chocolate Factory uses real pet parts for their sweets, and Larissa, the light faerie that runs the Wheel of Excitement, is the head of this conspiracy. She does it to earn a little extra neopoints to fund her card addiction, which is just creepy. The unused parts of the leftover, in this case, Kougra is turned into a Battledome weapon, and Larissa gives them out as prizes. They do this secretly, or at least they did. After this, they'll be jobless for sure. You heard it first here! This is Cami signing out!

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