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Deciphering the Use of the Lever of Doom


by silvernonsense

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Nearly all Neopians have traveled at least once to the beloved Virtupets Space Station. And usually, the scenario goes a little something like this:

After entering the Space Station, you’ve meandered around, checking out the space petpets, considering introducing an adorable little Grundo to the family and wishing you had a virtual prize code to enter at the Grundo Warehouse. But, oh, what’s this? A lever? How interesting... You wander over to it, questioning its possible use. Should you pull it? After all, The Neopets Team did make a point of naming it the lever of doom as well as putting up a sign inscribed with an unavoidable “DO NOT PULL”. That has to mean something, doesn’t it? And it’s not like doom is a particularly desirable fate for your dear neopets. Ah, what the heck?! You pull the lever down with all your might, waiting anxiously for something to happen. The tension builds as you wait when suddenly, a giant mechanical hand delves into your pocket, stealing 100 neopoints from you!

That’s it? All that doomful anxiety for a measly pickpocket? Impossible. You pull it down again, this time more forcefully, hoping for something more malevolent. Who would’ve thought? You’d rather experience some sort of chilling disaster rather than walk away from this lever disappointed, your excitement wasted and nothing gained. You watch apprehensively, thinking over and over again to yourself “Let something happen, let something happen.” But, once again, that unsatisfactory mechanical hand arrives once more, mooching off another 100 neopoints, leaving you even more upset than before.

After three more exasperating pulls and 500 neopoints later, you’re about ready to leave, angry at the Space Station for allowing such a disappointing mechanism to exist. Then you think, “Wait a second... What if I didn’t have 100 neopoints on me, and the lever would have no choice but to do something else.” That must be it, right? You rush to Neopia Central, taking the fastest space transportation available, and hurry into the bank where you hastily deposit all your neopoints on hand into your account. You leave as quickly as you came and jog up onto the Supply Deck, slowing at the sight of the lever. “This is it, something is going to happen this time, I know it.”

You heave the lever down, building excitement with every second. You wait... and wait... and... wait? Are you kidding? Nothing? Nothing? That’s impossible, something must be happening.

And this is what causes us to wonder... what is happening when we pull the Lever of Doom? After much deliberation, investigation and evaluation, I’ve managed to narrow it down to five possibilities.

1. Firing Potatoes at Meri Acres Farm

In an earlier article, I labeled flying, countable potatoes as a mystery of our world, but could it be that we’ve finally discovered the reason behind this so-called airborne vegetable anomaly? It seems likely, that at each pull of the Lever of Doom, a spud is taking flight down in Meridell. I’ve done the calculations and with an average 521 potatoes per minute and an average 535 pulls of the Lever of Doom per minute, the data adds up. While the source of connection between Meridell potato launchers and a Space Station switch is unknown, it makes perfect sense. Does it not?

2. Generating Sloth Minions

In this scenario, the doom factor has definitely taken effect. As we all know, the Space Station was once used in one of Dr. Sloth’s attempts to rid the world of non-mutant pets but after his defeat, aided by the cunning of many heartfelt Neopians, Virtupets Space Station was resurrected as a friendly reminder to all who visit that Dr. Sloth shall never have control again. But, is it possible that Dr. Sloth, through his sly and crafty ways, has managed to allow his evil legacy to live on in the Space Station by employing a mysterious lever that, with each pull, turns adorable, innocent Neopians into... *scary, dramatic music* SLOTH MINIONS?!

3. Causing Mortogs to Royally Transmogrify

Many people have spent time attempting to interpret a pattern in which to kiss Mortogs hoping to receive better prizes or even a spiffy avatar. Spending many a day smooching warty green lips after warty green lips, these interpreters have discovered even less than a Tyrannian JubJub with a campfire. In my self-claimed expert opinion, this random Mortog to prince/princess transformation is taking place due to a far away pull of a lever. The lever of doom is pulled in simultaneous accordance to Mortog alteration! Well, more tests are still to be administered but, with 87% positive results, this might just be the answer we’ve been searching for!

4. Evoking Ghosts to Steal Neopoints

All Neopians have had the unfortunate experience in which a lurking ghost has popped up from the ground, snatching neopoints from our pockets. These so-called random events might not be so random. I believe it possible that these shoplifting ghosts might very well be receiving orders from a source unknown. That is, unknown until now. With every plunge of the lever, a ghost is sent to rob yet another unsuspecting Neopian. Exactly how these pilfering messages are sent I’m not yet certain, but, with all likelihood, it very well may be the Lever of Doom instructing the periodic theft of neopoints.

5. Providing the Power for All of Neopia

Now, I know this one might be a stretch, but it seems a possibility due to one reason: we haven’t the slightest idea where all the energy does comes from that powers Neopia. And, obviously, it must be coming from somewhere. So, why isn’t it possible that each and every time the Lever of Doom is put into motion, it isn’t sending a power surge throughout Neopia, providing substantial energy to power our world?

After all my reading, searching and interpreting, I still have yet to decode the true use of the Lever of Doom. But I strongly believe that it must be one of these five. Perhaps, one day in the near future, we shall discover which one.

 
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