Neopia's 10 Most Shocking Truths
Ladies and Gentlemen, today I’m going to reveal to you some of the biggest secrets that are being kept in Neopia. White Weewoos? Lutari Island? Chef Bonju? Meepits? Read this article, and you will know everything.
10. White Weewoos do not actually exist. I know you think you’ve seen them, but what you’ve seen are just ordinary brown Weewoos. What happened was this group of ordinary brown Weewoos went to try out the petpet lab ray one day, hoping to be turned into something cool, like dung. But somehow, a tin of white paint got spilled over the cardboard and Achyfi cans, and this somehow interfered with the zapping process, so the Weewoos came out looking white. Please don’t try this at home.
9. So, you think Punchbag Bob and Punchbag Sid are twins? Well, they’re not. They’re triplets! Their brother’s name is Punchbag Tim. So why haven’t you ever heard of him? He was expelled from the Battledome because he just couldn’t understand that as a Punchbag, he wasn’t allowed to fight back. Now, Tim spends his days competing in the Beauty Contest.
8. TDMBGPOP! No, I’m not feeling ill, I’m talking about The Discarded Magical Blue Grundo Plushie of Prosperity! What’s up with this little guy? He’s just sad, because no one wants to play with him. You see, he’s a magical plushie, meaning that any Neopet who plays with him would turn into a Blue Grundo. Since being a Blue Grundo went horribly out of fashion, there’s just no one who will play with this little plushie. He sees so many Neopets playing with other non-magical Blue Grundo plushies, so why won’t anyone play with him? He doesn’t understand that he’s different, so he just feels unloved. He’s decided that if he could steal all the plushies in Neopia, so that he’s the last one left, all Neopets will want to play with him! So now you know who took your plushies, but where is he hiding them? That’s one secret I can’t tell you.
7. The citizens of Lutari Island need to learn a lesson or two about pollution! Their air is so polluted, that big, dark grey clouds hang above the Island, making it look incredibly mysterious! I know everyone thinks there is some big secret with this place, but it’s actually just pollution in the atmosphere. You shocked?
6. What ever happened to everyone's favorite non-flash game, Poogle Solitaire? Here’s what the newspapers have been saying: “The Poogles all decided that they weren’t getting paid enough, so when their demands for a raise were unsuccessful, they quit. Jumping over each other all day is hard work, you know!”
No, no, no. Here’s what really happened: The Poogles were kidnapped by the Esophagor, and were made to be his slaves!
5. Why can’t anyone call ThePhantomOrangeShirtGuy by his real name? You’re always saying, “I wonder who he is”, or “What on earth is his name?” What’s wrong with you people?! How many times has he stood on the roof of the post office with a megaphone, yelling out that his name is PHIL! Get it through your heads! He’s not some mysterious guy with a lot of tattoos who pops up in some very odd places. He’s Phil! All he wants is a friend...
4. There’s no such thing as a town made of orange Jelly! There is no giant jelly, no jelly shop, no jelly games, no mysterious green jelly, and there are certainly NO jelly colouring pages! That would be silly!
3. Ever been down to the Deep Catacombs? If you have, you’ve probably noticed that all the Neopets down there are horribly outdated! It doesn’t seem right, does it? I mean, it is the art and literature centre. But how have they avoided being redrawn? As you know, the Art and Literature Centre is hidden deep under Neopia Central. The two towns are separated by a large portion of rock, and this rock has shielded them from the blasts – er, I mean the art updates.
2. For over a year now, avatar collectors across Neopia have all been asking one question: How the heck do you get the Chef Bonju avatar? There have been petpages, chat groups, mass editorial floodings, and boards full of angry avatar collectors, all trying to unlock the mystery of this avatar. Most avatars are solved within minutes of being released! How could we still not have Bonju after a year?
Well, today I am going to put an end to all this madness. I’m going to tell you the truth about that little stack of pixels that’s making us all tear our hair out.
A few of you have been asking: “Is it really possible to obtain the Bonju avatar?” Ask the editorial all you like; your question will never be answered. So I’ll answer it for you. Is it possible to get Bonju? No, it’s not. But why? Why would TNT play such a cruel joke on us? No, this isn’t part of some elaborate Aprils Fool’s Joke. It’s TNT’s way to try to gain some respect from us Neopians. Look at the editorial. Week after week, TNT is bombarded with rocks, sticks, stones, and other sharp, pointy objects. It was the Month of Hiding, year 8. TNT realized that many of them were coming into work every Saturday, the day after the Neopian Times comes out, with bruises all over their bodies. Coincidence? Not likely! They had to put a stop to this rock-throwing in the editorial. They had to get back the respect they deserve! So, they decided to make this fake avatar. Neopians would shower them with flowers in the editorial in an attempt to find out how to get the avatar! There would be no more bruises for TNT! So, they released Bonju, and what do you guys start giving them instead of rocks? COOKIES? Surely you know that all of TNT are allergic to cookies! Instead of giving them bruises you’ve made them horribly ill! Idiots!
1. I recently came a across a document, cleverly hidden in a Meepit’s sock drawer. The title of this document? “MEEPIT’S PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION.” They have come up with a plan that can’t fail! Soon the Meepits will invade your homes, your shops, everything! But I know what you’re thinking. Meepits brains are usually only the size of half a peanut! (And I don’t think I have to remind you of their odor.) How could they have possibly come up with such a plan? Well, it turns out these petpets are working with Dr. Frank Sloth, the evil scientist who, until now, has been unsuccessful in taking over Neopia. But this time, he has every Meepit in Neopia on his side. He can’t lose! His plan has no faults! Nothing could possibly go wrong! But… hold on a second! It seems that Sloth could not have come up with this plan himself. He’s not the one in charge of this evil plot. Sloth, and his army of Meepits, are in fact working for the most evil Neopet of them all. The super-genius behind this diabolical scheme is in fact, none other than...
THE OWNER OF THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!
We must warn everyone. In a matter of days, everyone and everything in Neopia will be under the control of this Yellow Kiko! He will – DO NO HARM. SOON YOU WILL FORGET YOU EVER READ THIS ARTICLE. MUAHAHAHA!