The Dandy Guide to Being Unfashionable
With the introduction of the Customization Center, pets want to be more stylish than ever! Pets are frantically running to the Clothing Shop just to pick up the most “in” clothes so they can show off to their friends. Well, you know what I say about this? I say, “Bah, humbug!” Who needs fashion when they can show off their uniqueness? With all those stylish clothes out there, there have to be some... different... clothes for your pets to wear, right? Right!
Why wear stylish shirts like the I Love Fyora T-Shirt when there are more unique shirts out there? One of my personal favorites is the Faerie Caves T-Shirt. I love the yellow Lupe from Neopia’s past: cross-eyed with a silly grin on his face. Another wonderful shirt that will set you aside from everyone else is the Pink Blooky T-Shirt. The shirt is hardly pink, which will confuse all your friends to no extent! Also, no one else will be wearing a shirt with a three-eyed petpet on it (possibly because that’s pretty creepy, but still). There are many other eccentric shirts out there—why not dedicate your whole life to finding them all?
Avoid wearing Tropical Swim Trunks and My Sisters Frilly Skirts—they’re quite popular! Neopets don’t wear pants for the most part, but out of the few bottoms out there, there must be some odd ones! From my many... hours of research, I learned that... well, actually I learned that the shortage of pants makes just about all the bottoms pretty popular. So, if you still want to be unique, try wearing Noil PJs or Lucky Fishing Trousers to cover your legs. They’ll be calling you names for ages!
Trendy hats such as Pink and Green Sunhats and Sparkly Sombreros are to be left alone. Why not go for something more unusual, such as a Maverick Baseball Cap? My favorite thing about this hat is the really old picture of a staff member. Apparently, this hat was manufactured in Stone Age Neopia. Another odd-closet must is the Horned Hat. This look is especially effective on pets that already have horns, as it just adds more horns to their body. It also makes them look like a Viking. If you look really hard, or actually if you just look, you’re sure to find some strange hats. Neopia is full of them!
Yes, I’ll admit it, socks are quite fashionable. Who doesn’t love socks? But socks are special, so you can wear them. In fact, you have to wear them! If you don’t wear socks, the gnomes will get you! Anyway, when (not if) you choose your socks, don’t even think about chic socks such as Red Pirate Socks or Angelpuss Socks. Try some Woolen Socks—the more threadbare the better! In fact, the only socks you can wear are Woolen Socks, as all the rest are super-cool. When it comes to shoes, don’t look to Disco Aisha Shoes or Lucky Green Boots. The best shoes are the Old Rotten Shoes and Sandals. There’s quite an abundance of them, you know. Wearing slippers anytime but nighttime is also another fashion yes-yes. (It’s only a no-no for trendy pets, and you’re not one of them, are you?)
Now, you can’t only get along with the basics. Only normal pets do that! You need to accessorize to the maximum! Put on a Bow Tie every day, no matter if you’re a girl or a boy. DON’T WEAR COOL SHADES! Notice even their name says cool. You’re definitely too cool to wear cool stuff. Wearing an Ice Caves Jacket is an awesome final touch, as you’ll have to walk around all day with your arms straight out at your sides. Adorn your face with a lovely Mask and Snorkel—but not when you’re swimming or anywhere near the beach. Carry a Snot Umbrella everywhere you go, especially when it’s a perfect sunny day.
Some More Advice
Now that you know how to dress unfashionably, you need to know how to wear it. I don’t mean how to wear it as in how to keep it on your body, I mean how to wear it as in how to show it off and wear it without style. First of all, never wear matching clothes. For some reason, matching clothes is stylish and therefore must be avoided. Make your own clothes, unless you’re really good at sewing, in which case: buy poorly made clothes. I’m sure you can almost make something wearable. Wearing armor not meant for your species is also another good idea.
If you have any more unfashionable clothing ideas, TRY IT FOR GOODNESS SAKE! I’ll love the day when everyone is walking around, following my fashion non-advice. Wait a minute... once everyone follows my advice, being unfashionable will be fashionable! Stop the presses! It can’t be... darn. It was published. Well, stay tuned for the next part to my unfashionable advice: how to be unfashionable when being unfashionable is fashionable!
Hope you enjoyed learning how to be unfashionable, and I certainly hope you follow my advice*!
*Please don’t follow it. I don’t want a whole Neopia of fashion zombies dressed like weirdos**!
**Not that this article is intended in any way to make all of Neopia look like weirdos so Dr. Sloth can take over with his cunning good looks—I’ve said too much.
***In fact, do follow it. Make my weird dreams come true!
****To avoid lawsuits: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’M TAKING A VACATION!
*****What do you mean, I’m just typing to make it to 1000 words? Of course I’m just trying to give further advice on the subject!
******Wear weird clothes and all your dreams will come true!
********Thank you, Neopia! (And please, for the sake of our eyes, wear whatever you want. This article was in NO WAY serious.) (Also, your pets can’t wear ANY of these clothes, as far as I know, so please don’t go out and spend your money on them, because they can’t be worn.) (Which is odd, seeing as they’re clothes, but... yeah.)