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The Neopets Team's Evil Little Minions


by magical_anabeil

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As we all know, TNT has little spies everywhere. They are scattered around Neopia, secretly delivering information around the clock. Whether these little spy-minions were neopets, petpets, evil fuzzles or otherwise, nobody knew... until now.

That’s right: I, Magical_Anabeil, have recently discovered the disturbing source of this evil: Meepits.

So, I set out on a quest to prove my hypothesis. I thought the only way to prove it is to go straight to the source: The meepits themselves.

One of my good friends was a ‘proud’ owner of a meepit, so I asked to “borrow” it for a while...

Yes, that’s right: I was about to talk to a meepit, the source of all evil.

Be forewarned: If you are faint of heart, are easily frightened, or have a meepit within 2500 meters of you, you should not read this article.

An Interview with a Meepit

Ana: Hello, and welcome to this live interview, where we have a special guest!

Meepit: ...

Ana: That’s right! A meepit!

Meepit: ...

Ana: Great! So, meepit, we have a few questions for you.

Meepit: Meep. Meep meep me meep. (Translation: Great. Let’s get this over with, you crazy human.)

Ana: Wonderful! Now, the first question: Are you plotting to take over the world?

Meepit: Meep meep me me meep?! (Translation: What in Neopia are you talking about?!)

Ana: Exactly... wonderful... now, do you have any super-secret minions? Evil allies, perhaps? Like, for instance... the fuzzles?

Meepit: Meep meep meep... (Translation: You must be crazy... )

Ana: Great. And, do you have any mysterious connection to The Neopets Team?

Meepit: Meep eep meep... (Translation: This guy must be nuts... )

Ana: That’s what I thought. Now, where is your super-secret evil lair?

Meepit: Me... Meep? (Translation: Er... what?)

Ana: Like... perhaps... underneath the “Meepit Juice Break” tree?

Meepit: Meep meep me meep... (Translation: Now you’re officially scaring me.)

Ana: Great! Now, perhaps, could you enlighten us about some of your evil, dastardly plans?

Meepit: Meep meepmeep meep me meep... (Translation: That would be Dr. Sloth’s area of expertise... )

Ana: Hmmm... really? That’s very interesting...

Meepit: Meep meep mememeep, meep meep? (Translation: You have no idea what I’m saying, do you?)

Ana: Of course, of course. Now, next question: What are the tubes in “Meepit Juice Break” actually used for?

Meepit: Meep... meep memeep eep? (Translation: Erm... delivering juice?)

Ana: Wonderful. All right, one last question! Can you explain why there are no meepits in either Petpet Cannonball, or Feed Florg?

Meepit: Meep meep meep, me meep, meepmeep! (Translation: Because we taste bad and can’t fly, you hyperactive human!)

Ana: Great! Well, thank-you for your time, and thanks for watching!

Meepit: Meep meep meep... (Translation: You’re delusional... )

If the interview didn’t convince you, then surely, this next section will. Through theories, research, and firsthand experience, I was able to draw 15 points of information on why I believe that meepits are truly spy-minions for The Neopets Team.

15 Reasons: How We Can tell That the Meepits are Working for TNT

1. Sometimes, you just have to go with your instincts. After being chased around by rabid meepits in the Battledome, losing miserably in Meepit Vs. Feepit, and hearing the Meepit Juice Break theme song in your sleep, you start to become very wary of meepits...

2. Their evil hideout is obviously under the “Meepit Juice Break” tree. After all, where do you think they disappear to after you feed them?

3. Feeding the Meepits. In Meepit juice break, you feed the meepits, not the other way around. TNT is paying us to feed their evil minions, and we didn’t even realize it. Nice job, TNT.

4. The tubes in “Meepit Juice Break” are actually delivering secret messages. And you thought they were simply delivering juice. Pfft.

5. Have you seen the Meepit Chair? The scariest item in Neopia is, obviously, modeled after a meepit. It doesn’t help that you sit in its mouth... on its fangs... almost falling down its throat...

6. You won’t see any meepits in “Feed Florg”. Because if Florg eats all of the meepits, they would have to hire the feepits as spies. And that would be a very bad idea. A very bad idea indeed.

7. There are no meepits in Petpet Cannonball, either. After all, they have more important things to be doing than being shot from a cannon. Like, for instance, lighting the cannon...

8. Even the TCG card looks evil. Don’t let the cute pink body or large watery eyes fool you. Meepits are evil. Very evil.

9. First impressions say it all. Honestly, when you first saw a meepit, was your first impression a cute little fuzzy petpet, or evil minion of doom?

10. Because they’re just evil like that. Take one good look at their cute, fuzzy pink faces. You know it’s true.

11. There is something awfully spooky about those big staring eyes... Even the meepit’s description supports my theory.

12. They obviously speak in codes. The next time you see a meepit hop past you saying, “Meep! Meep meep! Meep!”, be careful. He just might be saying, “Let’s take over Neopia alongside our evil minions, the fuzzles!”

13. The meepits obviously have a secret alliance with the Evil Fuzzles, as well. If you look closely, you will see a striking resemblance between the Evil Fuzzles and the Meepits. (But only if you cross your eyes and squint a little.)

14. If you stare into a meepit’s eyes for too long, you will become hypnotized. *cough* This one isn’t from experience... really...

15. TNT sent them to do their evil bidding. Because even TNT has a dark side.

So clearly, as you can see, the once-adorable meepits are, in fact, the culprits. It’s a shame that what once were innocent, fuzzy pink petpets have turned to the dark side. They have become the demonic monstrosities that we see today.

Now, after years of research, Neopia will finally know the answer to the age-old question: who really are TNT’s secret spies?

Now that we know the answer, we must fight back. Join with me, Neopia, and help me fight this war. This monstrosity must be stopped.

Thank-you for your time, and remember: The only good meepit is a fed one.

 
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