How Florg Nearly Ruined My Life
Hi, my name is Fluffy. Yeah, I know it's unoriginal… but
never mind that. I'm a gorgeous pink Warf, with leaves in my fur and SLOBBER all
over me! Yes, SLOBBER! Gooey, green, slimy SLOBBER! Do you want to know how I
got slobber all over me? Well, too bad! I'm going to tell you anyway.
I was strolling along happily in Neopia, you
know, like Warfs do. Then suddenly, a rather odd looking robot fell from the
sky and landed in front of me, knocking me to the ground! When I woke up, I
appeared to be in some sort of metal cage! There were other petpets too; Tenna,
Spyders, Hasee, and other pink Warfs! (which was upsetting because I thought
I was the only pink Warf in Neopia.) Anyway, they all looked very frightened.
Then suddenly a door swung open at the bottom of the cage and I fell through!
Aaaahhhh!!! There, in front of me, was the biggest, slimiest, scariest mutant
Chia I had EVER seen! I would have fainted, but I was too busy running as fast
as I could to the edge of the GIANT DINNER PLATE I was standing on! Then I felt
myself flying through the air, wrapped up in a giant tongue! I wriggled, I squirmed,
and I eventually slipped through the tongue and landed on the floor, covered
in SLOBBER. But that's not the only slobber I got; let's carry on.
Did I really think that Florg (yes, I had figured
out who he was by then) would just let a small morsel like me escape? Florg
soon came running after me, firing his tongue at me like a Nimmo would to a
Buzz! I ran, he ran, I screamed, he screamed, I tripped, he ran over me. That
adds to the pile of gooey stuff on me.
But I wasn't just left on the ground, I was stuck
to Florg's foot! He obviously hadn't noticed. He ran everywhere, trying to find
me. He ran through the Lost Desert, Meridell, the Ice Caves and the Haunted
Woods! With each step I yelped, but it wasn't painful because I was kind of
pushed up in the middle of his foot where it didn't touch the ground. But I
was still scared to death.
And because I was yelping, Florg kept looking
for me! Eventually (as in after 4 hours of looking for me) he got TOO hungry.
I knew what happens when Florg gets TOO hungry.
He gets really mad. Really really mad. And really vicious. And extremely terrifying.
And so very SLOBBERY!
After another hour of turning up buildings and
stealing stuff, he sat down. I then managed to dislodge myself from his rancid-smelling
foot and run. Unfortunately, he smelled me. This was quite amazing because I
smelled of an old rotten left boot.
Anyway, instead of eating me right there on the
spot, he took me back to his evil dinner plate of doom!! The other petpets were
still waiting patiently in the metal cage, even though the door was open and
they could have jumped out and escaped. (duh)
Florg dumped me on the dinner plate and glared
at me. He drooled, his green, icky slime landing on my fur, which was in a bad
enough state as it was. Then I remembered my secret weapon: singing!!! I sang:
'I am a pink Warf
My name is Fluffy
Leave me alone
I'm having my tea
I am a pink Warf
I like to eat food
I sometimes try to sing
But I'm not any good
My name is Fluffy
I am a pink Warf
My best friend ever
Is a lovely Raindorf
So please Mr. Florg
Leave me alone
I don't want to die
But I don't want to moan!!!!'
That really did it. Florg screeched, roared and
hissed, and then ran away. I sat on the plate, panting at my horrible effort
to sing badly.
I waited for the petpets to come down and cheer
for me, because I had just saved their lives. But no-one came. Disappointed,
yet glad I was alive, I left.
On my way home I realised the petpets had left
because of my singing. Duh! How obvious!!!
When I was passing the Haunted Woods (don't worry,
I didn't actually go in), I saw Florg, sitting on a large rock. He was crying.
Wow. Florg was crying! Weird. So I bravely went up to him, trying to calm him
down, comforting him. He licked me to say thank you for being so kind, but he
like the taste of me and tried to eat me again. I scampered as fast as a Poogle
back to Neopia Central.
I sat under the cool shade of the Money Tree,
trying to rest. The Money Tree, as you may know, is very kind. It even gave
me a donated apple pie (yum!).
The apple pie restored my energy, but I was still
scared. Every time I saw something green I got a shock. I couldn't live properly.
And worse of all, I couldn't get the green slobber out of my fur! I tried everything;
shampoo, conditioner, combing, brushing, but nothing could make it come out!
I was so depressed. :(
You see, I take great pride in my fur. I love
the way it shines, glitters in the sunlight, glows in the moonlight, and is
always in perfect condition. Except obviously then, because I was covered in
a mixture of smelly substances. I really don't want to explain them again, you
So after hours of unsuccessfully trying to get
the glob out of my fur, I decided to take a trip to the Beauty Parlor. This
was a very bad idea, as I soon found out. I think the Usul at the counter was
blinded by my appearance. She screamed, ran in circles, covered her eyes and
eventually resorted to putting a blindfold on and shaking on the spot. I left,
This is why I came to you. You seem untroubled,
with your fur/hair in perfect condition! Please please please help me! You don't
understand! My life is a WRECK without gorgeous fur! I'm scared of green things!
I have to sleep next to a bright lamp! I need help! *sob*
I'm begging you. *snivel* If you can't help me,
no-one can. I can't think of anything else to do, and I keep thinking Florg
is coming to get me. *sniff*
You will help me? Really? Oh, thank you thank
you thank you!!! How can you do it?
Oh. You have no idea. Well, forget this! You
really raised my hopes there, you know? Forget this!
Hey, look over there! What is the Water Faerie
doing in Neopia Central? Hey, maybe she can heal me!!! Hey, Miss Water Faerie,
can you pretty please get this gloop out of my fur?
"Of course, here, this should take all your problems
away. Simply shower and use it as shampoo."
Oh, thank goodness! What is it? You said use
it AS shampoo. But was is it really?
"Only the finest stuff I have. Green Bubbling
Oh, I give up. I'll just use this Pink Warf Morphing
Potion to restore me to my usual self.