Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 105,225,448 Issue: 209 | 23rd day of Gathering, Y7
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Furry McButtons - Brave Archaeologist


by tambourine_chimp

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"Mom, Furry's in the trash again!" a rather indignant and disgusted Uni whinnied up the stairs of her Neohome.

     "Again?!" a young female voice groaned from behind closed doors. "What's he doing now?"

     "Digging for treasure, like he always is," the Uni sniffed as she trotted into the kitchen to prepare herself a snack of warm apple pie. "Sometimes I don't know why you want to keep that insignificant speck of a pet…"

     "Because he's a baby Kougra, Gisele, and he needs a lot of love and care!"

     "I could tell you what he really needs, but you might ground me for a week," the Uni muttered contemptuously as she warmed-up a pot of custard.

     "What was that?!" the voice upstairs snapped grouchily.

     "I said he might well need that, but he's going to stink for weeks!" Gisele shouted quickly, shooting a harassed glance out the window to where a trash can was shaking about, its contents being spewed all over the front garden. "And what will the neighbors say?"

     "Knowing them," the owner yawned as she dragged herself into the kitchen, "just about everything. Sweetie!" she suddenly cried, rushing over to the stove, switching it off and dumping the smoking pot into the sink. "Be more careful! You almost burnt the place down!"

     "I don't know," the Uni sighed with confusion as she decided to just have the pie on its own, "if you get it too cold it gets a skin… you get it too hot and it burns to inedible sludge. I mean, who actually likes this custard-stuff anyway?"

     "Until it started billowing like a sauna, apparently you did," her owner answered wryly. "Where did you say Furry was again?"

     As if in answer, Gisele just snorted and jerked her hoof over her shoulder to where - as if on cue - the trash can outside wobbled precariously, before tipping over and slowly begin to roll down the footpath.

     "Furry!" the young girl cried in alarm, slamming open the front door and chasing after the runaway can, which had built up speed surprisingly fast. When she realized she couldn't fully overtake it to put a halting foot in the way, the girl gritted her teeth, burst into a fast sprint, leapt and rugby-tackled the can sideways, ceasing its roll.

     From within its metal casing came a muffled, slightly echoing groan along with some shuffling as something began to push its way out. Fearing her pet was trapped, the young girl turned the trash can upright to fish out her pet. There came an alarmed cry and a yelp as the Neopet in question fell to the base of the can. Dipping a hand in, the girl felt around for her baby Kougra. Feeling something warm and fuzzy, she sighed with relief and pulled it out.

     "Ugh!" In her hands was a mouldy, rotting watermelon which caught the attention of every fly in the vicinity. Tossing it over the neighbor's fence, she hurriedly rubbed her hands on her overalls before gritting her teeth once more.

     Fortunately for her, though, she didn't need to dive-in a second time. The surface of the trash seemed to bulge and split as something rose up from it holding a bone. It was, of course, Furry the baby Kougra, and he seemed to be wearing a very elaborate hat in the shape of a banana peel.

     "Look, Mom!" he giggled excitedly as he waved a bone about in a figure-of-eight pattern. "I have found me a big bad dinosaw bone!"

     "Er, honey…?"

     "Raargh! Do you think it was carnivforus, Mommy?" the little Kougra asked expectantly, roaring and bearing his miniscule fangs.

     "Uh, I should hope not, dear. You see, that is the leg of last week's chicken," his owner told him gently.

     Cocking an eyebrow quizzically, the baby looked from the "dinosaw bone" to his owner and back again before breaking into a smile. "Yeah, right! We didn't have chicken-licken last week! So it is a dinosaw bone!"

     "Well, we all had chicken, dear…you just seemed more intent on digging for fossils in the Strawberry Jelly…"

     "Oh, yeah, I remembers now!" Furry said, nodding knowingly as he gave the bone one last scrutinized glance before throwing it away. "Oh, well, time for another dig, then!"

     Thankfully the young girl managed to grab the little Kougra around the waist as he made to dive back into the trash. "Uh-uh, honey! No more digging through the trash for today, you hear?"

     "But, Mooom!" Furry whined pitifully as he kicked and flailed to free himself. "I'm an archyolooger -"

     "Archaeologist."

     "What you said," the Kougra nodded sharply. "Anyways, that means I have to dig! That's what archy-archeoloo-what you just called 'em do! They dig for rare and fantabulous finds! You is stopping me from doing my work, so don't make me have to use de claws!"

     "Buster, you bring those sharp little things out one millimetre, and we're not going on this special surprise archaeological trip I had planned," the young girl hissed warningly into the little Kougra's ear. The latter went limp almost immediately, his big round eyes staring up at his owner.

     "Really? You're gonna take me onna trip? Where to?"

     "If I told you that," the girl told him teasingly as she took him inside for a wash, "it wouldn't be that much of a surprise, now would it…?"

     ~**~

     "I don't know," Gisele sighed with boredom when they had finally arrived at their destination, "it doesn't seem all that surprising to me. I had a dreadful feeling we would come here sooner or later."

     "Oh, shush," the owner chided with a low whisper as both girl and pet watched the ecstatic Kougra bound into the Meridell Rubbish Dump. "Who knows, he might just find something…"

     "Well, I hope he finds the plague," the Uni muttered grimly, "he's totally ruined my day!"

     "Oh, for goodness sake!" the owner cried in exasperation, pulling a heavy bag of Neopoints from her pocket and shoving them in Gisele's hooves. "Here! Now go to Illusen or Brightvale…anywhere! Just cheer up, okay?"

     When the Uni had trotted happily off to fulfil a quest and learn some valuable lessons, the young girl turned back to the Rubbish Dump with a warm smile. This whole archaeologist thing was just a phase. For example, last month little Furry was a ghost! That was a hard time, and the girl was glad it was over… he got a lot of bumps and bruises from trying to run through walls, and Furry almost became a real ghost during that time. He wouldn't eat or sleep ("Ghosties cannot rest until they have been avenged!" he used to say with a long, low groan. "And they feed off of the nightmares of the liviiiing!"). This phase was into its fourth week, so the girl hoped it would end soon.

     "Uh, missus?" a local-accented voice coughed politely, bringing her out of her trip down Memory Lane. It was the owner of the Rubbish Dump, and he was looking slightly worried.

     "So sorry," she said hurriedly. "I let my mind wander sometimes… is there something wrong?"

     "Ohh, arr, so there is… you see, you're only actually allowed one item from my 'ere Dump, see? But your little boy there… well, take a look for yourself, miss." So saying, the Kacheek stepped aside to reveal the baby Kougra seated amidst a pile of different items he had found in the Dump, which now looked more like a Rubbish Ground, there was so little of it left.

     "Furry!" she exclaimed with exasperation as she hurried over to the happy Kougra, who at that particular point in time was wearing an old vase over his head. It made a great improvement to the banana skin, the young girl admitted silently. "Bad Furry! You can't have all this! You just make a Dump of all this again; choose one item you really want and let's go home!"

     "Uh, miss…?" the same voice began hesitantly. "That wasn't the problem - he can keep all he likes, as far as I'm concerned."

     "R-r-really?"

     "Arr, sure 'e can! It's just that he's unearthed this," the farmer announced, holding up a large oblong case with a rusty iron lock attached to it. "You see, this 'ere be the long lost inheritance of my ancestors. The key's been on me mantelpiece for ages but I never could find the actual box. Now I 'ave - or, should I say, now 'e has - and as a reward, 'e can take as much as 'e likes."

     "Thank you!" the young girl said, blushing deeply at the farmer's deep kindness. "Thank you so much! These should keep him happy for a long time," she added, glancing over all the other items Furry had dug-up. There were gold candle-sticks, antique vases, mysterious bones and rocks… all sorts of treasures that both he and his owner could enjoy in their own little ways.

     But Furry didn't look too happy about this at all. "I can't take it all," he muttered in despair as he looked down at the ground dejectedly. "It wouldn't leave you wit anyting!"

     "Arr, but that is where you're wrong!" the farmer answered pleasantly as he lifted-up the baby Kougra and sat him on the box. "Because if the stories are true, there are treasures beyond belief inside this box! All they ever needed, my ancestors wrote!"

     "So you'll still run the Dump?" Furry asked expectantly.

     "That I will," the Kacheek farmer promised with a warm smile.

     ~**~

     "Go and wake Furry up, will you?" the owner asked Gisele the next day.

     "No way! I'm not going to get caught in the avalanche of all the rubbish he's brought home!"

     "It's not all rubbish," the girl sighed. She had tried to explain this three times already, but the Uni was still oblivious to how much more well-off they were all now.

     "Well, I'm still not going up there!"

     "Go up where?" Furry asked as he crept into the kitchen with a crafty smile.

     "To your bedroom, that's where! It's a tip!" Gisele accused angrily.

     "Not no more, it ain't," the baby Kougra smiled again, "I sold all the stuff in my shop last night, an' I'm rich! Anyways, I don't wanna be an archee-archyolow-a treasure digger no more."

     "Oh?" his owner asked with a warm smile of her own. "And just what do you want to be now?"

     "Easy," Furry asked with a wink, "I'm gonna be a detective!"

     ~**~

     Meanwhile, back in the Kacheek's little house, he stood excitedly over his family's long-lost treasure, savouring the moment. All they ever needed was inside this box, his ancestors had constantly written in their diaries, and soon, it would be all he ever needed too!

     Not being able to hold back any longer, the Rubbish Dump owner let out a squeak of joy and plunged the key into the box's lock. There came a satisfying click, and the lid opened gratingly in the old Kacheek's paws to reveal…

     "Figures," the farmer grumbled as he slowly dipped into misery. "What else would farmers ever need…?"

     And as he began to cry, his tears trickled down his furry cheeks and fell… into a box of old vegetable seeds.

The End

Author's Note: First in a series, and a pretty long beginning it is too! I have a few ideas for later occupations for Furry McButtons, but if you have an idea, then let me know by neomail! All ideas and comments are deeply appreciated!

 
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