Still thwarting Sloth's mind control... Circulation: 105,101,325 Issue: 206 | 2nd day of Gathering, Y7
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

The Mystery of Interest


by uggazew

--------

Ever wonder where that money-grubbing, bank-managing Skeith earns all those extra Neopoints to pay everyone daily interest? Well, right here, right now, it is time for him to be exposed. There are many theories as to where your little daily incentive to use his bank comes from. I will discuss each of them here, and maybe we will even be able to sneak in an interview with the friendly fellow, but don’t get your hopes up. He is very unpredictable after all.

Well, one of the most popular theories, and one of the oldest in all Neopia, is that he plays games to earn the Neopoints. There have been countless reports of Neopians seeing the Mean Green Eating Machine running from arcade to arcade playing games all day to earn the millions of points needed to pay interest to all of the accounts at the National Neopian Bank. Of the recorded witness accounts, his most played games are Hungry Skeith and Dubloon Disaster. My most trustworthy witness, the Better Than You Kyrii, informs me that when he loses, he often shouts the phrase, “I almost had it that time!” out of frustration with not beating the game. “Although,” says the Kyrii, “nearly all of the games he plays have no end!” So, does the Skeith receive enough Neopoints to pay Neopia’s entire interest bill? This reporter says, “No.” While I am sure the amount earned from games pays quite a bit, I see no evidence him being able to win that many points from games alone.

A newer theory has recently developed regarding the shady Skeith’s involvement in the activities of the ghosts and bug brothers. While both the ghosts and Bug Brothers refused an interview at this time, it seems clear to me that not all of the Neopoints stolen from wonderful Neopians like you end up on the Money Tree. I would like to point out that there is no evidence to this theory; it is purely rumor. The rumor is as follows: the Neopian National Bank’s own hired the Bug Brothers and a good many of the ghosts to steal Neopoints from unsuspecting Neopians and bring them back to the Skeith. In return, the Skeith allegedly pledged to give both the accomplices an expensive room at the Neopian Inn and an unlimited supply of chocolate from the Chocolate Factory. This rumor is also supported by the fact that both the Chocolate Factory and the Neopian Inn have accounts at the National Neopian Bank. The Neopian Inn has refused all interview attempts, but we did manage a short interview with the Chocolate Factory Kiko. I asked him if he had any knowledge of this rumor, and had any comment regarding his assumed participation in this scandal. He said, and I quote, “All I ever do is sell Chocolate. Chocolate Lupes, Chocolate Kyriis, Chocolate Jetsams, they are all good sellers. I love selling them, and people loving buying them. I know nothing of this so-called scandal; I only know chocolate.” So there you have it. The Chocolate Factory Kiko also denies even knowing the Skeith on more than an acquaintance basis, which clears his name in this reporter’s opinion. In light of this new development, I have to deem this theory completely false.

Another theory involves the use of the Wishing Well as a bank cover-up to earn Neopoints to pay Neopians like you their daily interest. This rumor suggests that the Wishing Well is, in fact, simply a long tunnel running straight to the safe of the National Neopian Bank. How can we test this theory, you ask? Well, my beloved Ixi, Gentlest, had a great idea. To fully test this theory Gentlest tied a string to his petpet Scarabug and allowed him to inspect what lay within for us. When he emerged, he sat silently on the ground beside Gentlest. What do you expect? Petpets can’t talk, you silly goose. So that idea was utterly useless, but we all learned a great lesson, didn’t we? I still had faith in the idea, however, so I sent off shortly after for a Virtupets Video Recording Machine, and then repeated the procedure with the Video Recorder in the place of Gentlest’s precious Scarabug. Our results were quite shocking. They revealed that this rumor, just as the others, was false. I know what you are wondering. What is at the bottom of the Wishing Well? I can’t tell. It is far too shocking for normal Neopians to know. That, however, isn’t the point of the article. The point is that this rumor is false, and the question of where the interest at the National Neopian comes from remains.

My last theory was questionable from the second I heard it. It has very deep traces with some of Neopia’s shadiest characters. The roots run deep with villains with the names of Sloth and Jhudora. According to the rumor, on the dawn of Neopian time, the bank Skeith knew that being able to produce interest for his bank would be more than difficult for even the thriftiest of Neopians. He immediately began seeking a way to produce masses of Neopoints within small amounts of time. What did he do, you ask? He sided with Sloth, and Sloth helped him to make a robot duo to infiltrate Neopians’ trust and earn loads of points. While Sloth could build the frames, a simple robot could never do the things needed to complete his plan, he needed magic. Jhudora agreed to help, and made the robots easy to function, and lovable to the public. Want to know who the rumor says they are? Sure you do! It says the robots are none other than the Igloo Garage Sale Duo of Mika and Carassa. I know what you are thinking; they are way too lovable to be robots. That is what I thought too. I managed to get a few words with Jhudora. About the alleged relations with the bank Skeith, Jhudora said the following, “I would never help that chubby little asparagus puff. He won’t even upgrade my account from being a Junior Saver. In fact, I think I have a new spell to cast.” Sounds like that disproves the theory to me. Don’t you agree?

Well, I’m all out of theories. I do, however, have a very interesting interview with the Neopian National Manager himself. When asked about the whole situation, the Skeith had this to say; “You should have asked me about it to begin with. I would be happy to explain exactly where I get the Neopoints to pay interest to all of my wonderful clients. No, I don’t play games, bribe famous Neopian images, or even set up elaborate tricks to bring in the interest points. How I get the Neopoints is very simple really. I just…” What? You think I will let him tell you after I did all this research? Okay, fine. “ I just make more Neopoints when I run out. Who do you think makes them after all? I have the only bank in Neopia, so I thought it would fine if I just made a few every once in a while. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

Well, I guess that explains it. So all of you listening to the rumors, here you have the truth. The National Neopian Skeith neither earns nor steals Neopoints so he can pay interest. He just makes more. While I must admit, the ending is a little unfulfilling, I guess the truth sometimes is. I would like everyone to know that the bank manager seems very nice, and deserves our respect. All Hail Sloth!

(The Opinions of Sloth do not necessarily reflect that of Neopets or any member of The Neopets Team. Wait, this isn’t from Sloth… Of course not.)

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

The Rainbow and the Wind: Part Two
Happiness, looking down at a herd of grazing Babaa, didn't reply. Suddenly she looked right into Cirsha's eyes and smiled...

by neo_star_queen

---------

All My Pretty Ones [ v 1.3 ]
Everything has fallen into place...

by mao_mau

---------

My Life as a Strawberry
Lovely new colour...

by ninavogel

---------

TDMBGPOP
I think it's time to get a new name...

by confuzerated



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.