And now, the time has come to visit Neopia’s foremost economic experts. Joining Neil and Maria today will be Dr. Hebron von Gellenbie of the Neopian Hospital, who’ll be here to discuss the crippling effect that a recent outbreak of NeoMonia has had on the Neopian economy. And now, here are our hosts…
KAUVUTO: Hello and welcome to this week’s edition of The Neo-Market Report. I’m your host Neil Kauvuto, and as always I am joined by my co-host, former Portfolio Manager of The Eyrie High Flyer Fund, the one and only Maria Blumaroono. Maria, what’s the latest news from the floor of the exchange?
BLUMAROONO: Well Neil, the big news this week has been the arrival of pirate invaders in Neopia. After seeing what happened to Maraqua, many Neopians have begun stocking up on supplies and going into hiding, causing a number of manufacturers to turn a profit this week. Leading the way is Breadmaster Bakeries, which saw its shares rise thirteen NPs a share as Neopians loaded up on Baguettes and Pretzels. When asked about the sudden boost in business, The Breadmaster said, “Hey, nobody knows how long it’ll take to get rid of these wise guys, so just in case they’re stockpiling enough food to last them for months—which is all right by me!”
Also getting a boost from the pirates’ arrival has been Bob’s Big Bonus Bingo, whose stock price rose another twelve points this week, marking their seventh straight profitable week. When asked about the many pirates who tend to frequent his bingo parlours, Bob the Blumaroo said, “Honestly, I think these guys get a bad rap. I’ve never had a single problem with any of them—they show up, spend their money, have a good time…and everyone goes home happy. What’s so wrong with that?”
KAUVUTO: On the other hand, a couple of companies have been significantly hurt by the arrival of the pirates. Chief among them has been Buzz-A-Way Insect Removal, whose handsome profit from last week’s Grakle migration has disappeared since the pirates arrived. Unlike most Neopians, the pirates appear to be quite fond of the taste of Grakles.
BLUMAROONO: Not to be overshadowed by the pirates’ arrival, another big story making news this week has been the sudden outbreak of NeoMonia that has gripped Neopia. Believed to have originated at The Money Tree, this latest plague has sent everyone into a panic. Joining us today to discuss the current epidemic is Dr. Hebron von Gellenbie of The Neopian Hospital. Dr. von Gellenbie, thank you for joining us today…
HEBRON: Please, feel free to call me Hebron. I’m glad to be here, Maria.
BLUMAROONO: Now, could you tell us a little about NeoMonia?
HEBRON: Well, it really is quite a terrible disease. At first, your pet will just feel a little sluggish, but after a while the symptoms start to get much worse. By the time the nausea and upset stomach kick in, pets have shown a tendency to start getting really grumpy. However, no owner should let NeoMonia get this far along. As soon as your pet displays the early symptoms, by all means, come to the hospital and we’ll do our absolute best to help them.
KAUVUTO: From what I understand, there is a cure to NeoMonia, correct?
HEBRON: That’s correct, Neil. In circumstances such as this, we’ve seen that bars of Medicinal Soap have proven quite effective in counteracting the effects of NeoMonia. However, due to the size of this epidemic, there’s been a terrible shortage of Medicinal Soap. Why, I’ve heard that the going rate is as high as twelve thousand NPs for a single bar…an outrageous sum! On a much happier note, it does appear as if the spread of NeoMonia has begun to slow, so hopefully soap prices will begin to drop, and we’ll be able to get everyone treated.
BLUMAROONO: Well, that’s about all the time we have this week. For Neil Kauvuto and Dr. Hebron vone Gellenbie, this is Maria Blumaroono saying thank you and so long….